CagerMania

Back by popular demand

2006-08-12T18:10:00.000-07:00

Been a while which means 1 thing - I'm actually having to work for a living. Been travelling to New Jersey, which is an entry for another time.

For now, I"m watching the Saints first pre-season game and have a few thoughts:

Devery Henderson must have naked pictures of Tom Benson. I have no ideal why this guy is on an NFL roster. He has yet to catch a pass in 4 years.
Reggie Bush is something special. He looks fast even on an NFL field. He will account for probably half of the Saints' yards this year - unfortunately, that'll probably be about 15 yards per game.
The Saints have no defense and are going 4-12 this year.
I hope Drew Brees is still hurt. If this is him healthy, we're in bigger trouble than I thought. He doesn't look good, especially when throwing to Henderson.

Going to Vegas next weekend. Should have plenty of stories I can't post :)

You have GOT to be kidding me!

2006-05-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know why this kind of thing surprises me any more, but a judge sentenced a convicted child rapist to probation because, at 5'1", he's 'too short to survive in prison."
http://www.sunherald.com/mld/sunherald/14664621.htm

Besides the fact that if this guy is tall enough to rape a kid, he's damn sure tall enough to be in the clink, what does this say as far as 'equal rights' and a 'fair trial' for all? Should someone get preferential treatment because of a physical characteristic (not a handicap, mind you, but just a chracteristic)?

Fans send flowers and candy to injured horse

2006-05-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

How deep must you be involved in contemporary 'idol-obsession' to send flowers and candy to an freaking horse? Really. What motivates a person to do this? What need are they filling in their own 'being' by taking the time and effort to send a card and flowers to a horse? Is it just plain celebrity obsession? Are they 'animal lovers' to the extent that they would sacrifice their own time and money to heap condolences on a horse that just wishes they'd shoot him to end his misery?

On an related note, there is an organization that raises money inorder to buy retired racehorses so they're not sold to Europeans who eat them. I remember a couple of years ago when some journalist discovered that formerly famous horse had been eaten - a good number of people were outraged. I'm not really sure how I feel about eating racehorse, per se, but I'm wondering what makes some animals 'edible' and others off limits? My personal standard is it is taboo to eat any animal that is a) human or b) tastes bad. Other than that, I'm really OK with it. So where is the line drawn, and why?

8-1

2006-05-17T06:31:00.000-07:00

Grasshoppers Win! Grasshoppers Win! Holy Cow!

JJ went 3-4 last night in a game that featured a few testy exchanges between the opposing coaches. Apparently, the coach of the other team thinks it's cool to argue every call made by the 14-year-old umpire who's getting paid $15 a game. MIght be a bit much for 7-year-old coach pitch, but what do I know?

Katrina Video

2006-05-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

A parish near Boston adopted St. Paul's in Pass Chrisitan. A large group of folks came down from Mass. in October and have since been raising funds to rebuild the church. They've raised over $50,000 for reconstruction, and also put together a video to use in their efforts. It is linked at the top right of this page:

http://www.blessedsacrament.org/passchristian/

It's sort of destruction-centric, but then again it's a fund-raising video. Not sure how many people would give money if you only showed homes still standing. Anyway, it brought me back for a few moments.

7-1

2006-05-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

Jax got to play against his best friend this weekend, which was fun when Jax was playing catcher and his friend was batting. YOu could see them jawing at each other the whole time. J played a pretty good ball game and the GHoppers won going away. 2 games left on the season, Tue and Thu this week (so I will miss both of them). Best part was the Krispy Kremes for the team snack (the game started at 8am).

6-1

2006-05-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

I'm late in posting this, but this past Saturday the 'Hoppers moved to 6-1 by defeating the 'Lug Nuts' 19-14. JJ made 2 very good defensive plays in left field. He went 1-3 at the plate with 2 Ks and a small crying fit (the 2nd strikeout really upset him). Anyway, we're looking forward to picking the average back up this weekend.

Cagermania's New Look!

2006-05-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

Actually, the 'new look' wasn't a choice. My old template was throwing errors and mis-aligning everything, so I am using a new one. I don't like it as much. Maybe I'll get sophisticated enough one day to figure out how to improve it.

(More) Life and Times of Fork

2006-05-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Fork thinks Asian Chicks are Hot and Casey's Shirt Is Gay

Although He'd Have No Memory of it the next Morning, Fork Thought it was a Good Idea to Nap in the Middle of the Parking Lot

Fork Passed Out, Then He Rallied to Smoke a Hookah

The Misadventures of Plastic Flatware (and other recollections from Jazz Fest '06)

2006-05-08T08:20:00.000-07:00

This is the long and sordid tale of one lone plastic fork trying to make it in this crazy mixed up world.
Fork's existence began in December 2004 at a Solo Plastics plant in Montevideo, Uruguay, but his ancestral history is much deeper than that. When Joshua Whitney created the first plastic cutlery in 1947, he probably had no idea that his work was to be the culmination of centuries of discovery by man.
Ever since woman made man stop eating with his fingers, man has been looking for way to perfect his dining experience with more sanitation and convenience. Little did anyone know that when synthetic polymers were invented in 1907 that the fork's time had nearly come. Along came Mr. Whitney and his genius, which hasn't been improved upon in nearly 60 years (and don't even try to defend the 'spork' as an improvement) and may be the most significant use of plastic ever created.
So from a long line of better life through plastics, our hero, Fork, came into existence. We can only speculate as to which Fate led him to the particular box being shipped to New Orleans, LA, and destined for the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. But Fork was born to be a star. Some 2 hours after being 'discovered' near the food tents, Fork was upstaging the immutable Jimmy Buffett as the star of Jazz Fest. Rumored to have drunk as much as a liter of Marguaritas, and maybe just a little high (cough, cough) from the secondhand marijuana smoke, Fork blazed an indelible path that will not soon be forgotten by those who came to love him. But any star that burns this brightly is destined to burn out just as quickly as it started. Fork eventually succumbed to the muddly infield of the jazz fest and went on to the that big food tent in the sky, where he joins his kindred spirits like Janice Joplin and Stevie Ray Vaughn. But his memory lives on: as the sun set on Buffett's performance Saturday night, you could still hear the echoes of the crowd screaming 'Fork, Fork, Fork, Fork'.

Here is a brief pictorial of the life and times of Fork:

Fork 'Locking it up' with Friends before his meteoric rise to stardom.

Fork and the Gang

Fork's First Gig - with the Tchopitoulas Indians

Fork's Shining Moment on Steel Drums with Jimmy

ForkMacking' on some 'Skirts (and possibly grabbing my wife's ass)

This site is dedicated to Fork McCutlery. Dec. 2004 - May 2006. R.I.P.

P.S., The Super Bowl is Gay.

Grasshoppers kick Grass

2006-05-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

The 'Hoppers are now 5-1 on the season. This weekend's highlight was Jackson making his first defensive put out. It went something like this (in his words): "Dad, I got a guy out. He hit a line drive and I caught it. Actually, it hit me in the stomach - but I picked it up and RAN HIM DOWN!!!!"
Of course, I couldn't be more proud, but I really feel sorry for the dad of the kid that Jax got out. Not because the kid got out, but if Jackson was able to run him down, then THAT dad has the slowest kid in Little League.
Jax went 3-3 to bring his avg back up to .750 on the season. No strikeouts, no errors, one put out. Great day. The boys are back in action tonight.

Grasshopper Update

2006-04-21T05:58:00.000-07:00

The grasshoppers moved to 3-0 last night with a 21-10 victory (I know, what's up with the football scores?). Jax really enjoyed himself. He went 3 for 4 again (.750 on the season), all singles. 1 K.
Oh, and of course, his proudest moment had nothing to do with baseball (again). He's just really happy that he got a 'spiky' haircut like his buddy Michael.

Muppet Personality Test

2006-04-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Batch for this link. I'm Fozzie, which is cool because he was my favorite Muppet (which I forgot until just now).

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!"

You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.

If only your routine didn't always bomb!

You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

Undefeated

2006-04-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

The Grasshoppers won last night 29-10 to move to 2-0 on the young season. Jackson's line is below:
AB: 4, H: 3, K: 1, RBI: 2, 2B: 1, 3B: 0, HR: 0, E: 0. Attendance: 37.

Obviously, I want him to do well, but I'm even more excited that he's sort of getting into it and really enjoying it. Of course, the thing he was most excited about was that he was on 3rd when the game was called, which meant he got to be first in the 'good game' line.

To Do List

2006-04-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a bit about my "list of things to do before I die" and realized that I don't really have a definitive "list of things to do before I die." Not that I think it's of primary importance for everyone to have one, but I can be a bit scattered and wouldn't mind having some focus on the things that are important so I can possibly take some finite steps towards acheiving them. So here is the current list that I could think of in no particular order. Please tell me your own so that I can add the good ones to my list:
1. Live in Wrigleyville for a summer. Get season tix to the Cubbies (in the outfield, of course) and gain 35 pounds from Old Style and Hebrew Dogs in the course of 16 weeks.
2. Play Minor League baseball for one season, preferably for a Southern League team. I might have missed my shot at this one some time around conception when I was created without the baseball gene. But I still think it would be cool to travel around the Southeast in an old bus playing baseball for $15k a year.
3. Sail around the world. I don't technically have to 'sail', I'd be happy to 'motor' around the world. But gas is hard to come by in some places, whereas wind seems to be in pretty good supply almost everywhere. I would have to get an earring, of course, at the end just because this is really the only justifiable reason for a man to have a pierced ear.
4. As mentioned before in this space, keep a scorecard of every home game for a complete season of Mississippi State Baseball.
5. Compete in the Redfish Cup with my dad for one season. This is like the BassMasters tour, only they fish for Redfish. I don't think there's much money in it, so I'm trying to win the lottery before he gets too old to fish :)
6. Attend every big college football rivalry game. The Iron Bowl, Fla/FSU, Mich/Ohio State, ND/USC, USC/UCLA, the Civil War, The Big Game, etc. I think with a good camera I could get enough cool pics to make a coffee table book, thus paying off the trip.
7. See Mississippi State win a National Championship in any sport (in person). I probably should focus my time on the Minor League Baseball thing, because that's probably more likely to happen.
8. Scuba dive.
9. Catch a Dolphin fish, a Marlin, and a Sailfish.
10. Drive a race car in a race. It doesn't have to be a NASCAR - I'd be happy on a local dirt track in an old chevy nova. I just think it would be cool, and I have this irrational belief that I'd be good at it. Of course, I bet every guy secretly (or not-so-secretly) feels that way.
11. Live on a boat. Still trying to convince my wife that this is a good retirement solution.

More to come...
...Updated
12. Learn to surf. Not on a cruise ship's 'faux surfing machine', but in a real ocean with real sharks.
13. Go to the Bourbon Festival.
14. Have a Mint Julep at the Kentucky Derby. Preferably not the one that costs $1000.

My Old Man and The Sea

2006-04-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

No, that's not a typo. It's a book recommended to me by Casey. It is the story of two men (father and son) who decide to sail around Cape Horn (apparently the worst place in the world for sailing) in a 25' boat. If you like dry humor, have seasalt in your vains, and don't mind having to think about how inadequate your relationship with your dad is, this is a great book.

"It's a Gloria Estefan thing, you wouldn't understand"

2006-04-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

That was the text on the most truthful bumper sticker I have ever seen.

Heaven on earth

2006-03-24T19:47:00.000-08:00

In the Pantheon of "Underrated Activities", I think that listening to baseball on the radio should rank very high. It's obviously not as good as being in the left field lounge or at Wrigley, but it's a close 3rd. Another activity on that list should be scoring baseball. It really requires you to pay attention to the game (rather than the atmosphere) and i adds a certain depth to the game that you miss when either watching it on TV or casually following the score while you visit with friends. One of the items on "my list" (to do before I die) is actually to go to every home game at Dudy one year and score every inning of every game. Of course, this would have been a good season to do that:) I'm sure that the season I decide to partake in this the Dogs will finish 10-34.

Anyway, so tonight I decided to score the MSU/ULBR baseball game while listening to the radio. This seemingly simple activity turned into one of those really memorable experiences in one's life. Not only was I a) listening to Jim and b) scoring a game, but we were c) beating the snot out of ULBR in Baton Rouge and (most importantly) d) I started teaching Jackson and MB how to score baseball. They were both so into it. It was amazing. I'm not sure why they ever invented TV if listening to the Cubs and the Cards was this good back in the 'old days'. What an amazing experience. I think there's some direct link between Heaven and MSU Baseball :)

A fountain of useless information

2006-03-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

First of all, if you don't know what 'Wikipedia' is, go to wikipedia.com and find out. It's better than Google for answering random questions you might have about inconsequential stuff.

Secondly, I was wondering what the 'wiki' in Wikipedia stood for, so I looked it up:

A wiki (IPA: [ˈwiː.kiː] or [ˈwɪ.kiː] [1]) is a unique type of website, specifically one which allows anyone visiting the site to add, remove as well as edit all content, quickly and easily, without the need for registration. This fact alone makes it particularly well suited for collaborative writing.
The term wiki is taken directly from the native language of Hawaii (Hawaiian), where it is commonly used as an adjective to denote something "quick" or "fast" (Hawaiian dictionary). In some cases, the reduplication wikiwiki (or Wikiwiki) is used to mean the same thing. In most cases, the two are interchangeable (Hawaiian dictionary)

I think an alternate definition is that that it's the sound you make when 'scratching' on your invisible turntable while 'air banding' rap songs.

Dirty justice

2006-03-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

If God doesn't love the police then why did he make mud that traps runaway criminals and kills them, huh?

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/21/mud.death.ap/index.html

Do NOT click on this link

2006-03-22T09:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/baseball/bapoll.htm

I just have to say that there is nothing whatsoever to get excited about. I wil not mention what is not happening with a certain college baseball team from Starkville, MS. I am not supersitious, and even if I was it wouldn't bother me to not think about the possibility of a certain team being as good or better than all the other teams in the US. Luckily, I don't entertain these sorts of thoughts, I don't believe in juju or gris gris and I'm not afraid to mention which team is number (oops, almost said it) ----above all the others. Luckily this will not last long.

Do you have a 'Man Crush'?

2006-03-21T13:53:00.000-08:00

The reason for this post is to protest against the ever-increasing use of the term 'man crush'. According to the Urban Dictionary, a 'Man Crush' is a hetrosexual man admiring another man to an extreme in a non-romantic or sexual way.

I read a lot of newspapers and magazines and have been seeing 'man crush' pretty often lately. And I'm not reading 'Style'; these references are in Sports Illustrated and on espn.com. What the hell is wrong with this world? Why can't I admire a guy without having to have a 'man crush' on him. This is fucking creapy. Soon these metros will start calling their friends 'boyfriends', like women do. 'Poker Night' will become 'Some of my boyfriends are coming over for martinis and cards.'

Here's a good rule of thumb regarding new 'ubersexual' terms and phrases and whether or not you should use them. If you can imagine your grandfather using the term, then by all means go ahead. But I have a hard time imagining my grandfather taking a break from building houses to tell his 'boyfriends' that he has a 'man crush' on Humphrey Bogart, and wants to go the 'Man Salon' to get a wax. If that rule is too conceptual for you, try this: use the word in front of your dad after he's had 10 or 12 beers. If you still have front teeth the next morning, then you have my permission to use the word as much as you'd like.

Pockets

2006-03-21T13:17:00.000-08:00

I was apparently distracted while packing for my trip this week, because I failed to pack any underwear. When I realized my mistake (too late to get to the store), I had to find a subsitute. So I'm wearing some Umbro-type shorts that I brought for jogging that have pockets in them. I only tell you this to tell you that I think underwear with pockets is an idea whose time has come. I'm not sure how or why I'd use them, but I really like having them. Maybe when you're in NO or NYC and are all worried about pickpockets, you can keep your money in your under-pockets. This may make paying your bar tab a bit awkward, but whatever.

Hipness Test

2006-03-20T13:51:00.000-08:00

If you have any idea what the hell this guy is talking about, you're probably hip.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/060320

I am, obviously, not 'hip'. Or 'down'. Or 'Groovy':) Instead of reading articles like this and 'getting it', i just get perturbed that this guy has a job in the mainstream sports media.

Street slang has a place: namely, on the street. But when this talk is legitmized by mass media outlets, I think it has two very negative effects. One, it debases our language and brings everyone down to the lowest common denominator. Secondly, and most importantly, by legitmizing 'ebonics' I think it creates a false sense of confidence in the kids who mainly speak this way. Rather than striving to speak proper English, it is enforced that it is OK to speak 'jive', not just conversationally with their friends, but in print. Is this going to help them get a job? Well, one person may replace Scoop when he's gone from espn.com. But for the most part, it is a disservice to lower expectations in terms of education and speaking english to the folks who most need to be motivated to exceed the expectations our society places on them. Anyway, I'm probably (definitely) reading too much into this one author's style, but I think that this is becoming more pervasive in our culture. Kids used to have to overcome uneducated parents, now they have to overcome uneducated (or at least incorrect) teachers and writers. This topic obviously deserves a lot more discussion than what I'm putting forth, but at least it's a thought for the day.

Don't know what to think about this:

2006-03-15T07:21:00.000-08:00

I've heard/read lately that the Susan G. Komen Foundation for Breast Cancer, an organization which I've greatly respected in the past, gives a portion of their money (hundreds of thousands of dollars) to Planned Parenthood, which is the principal abortion provider in the U.S.

I think this would be a huge shame that an organization with such a noble original purpose would wind up in such affairs.

There is also a claim that abortion increases the chance of a woman to contract breast cancer. I'm certainly not making any claim that SGK would fund abortions to increase the rate of Breast Cancer, but it seems like such an ironic combination of events. Anyway, I think it's something to look into before donating money to this particular organization.

http://www.pinkmoney.org/

Spam, spam, spam, spam

2006-03-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked through your spam and read the subject lines? I have a spamblocker that keeps me from having to actually open the emails, but I do peruse the subjects to make sure that I'm not missing anything important. Anyway, I just find it entertaining to read the subject headings:
oh, byway?
blatant with elizabeth
or dynamo but pasteboard
but confrom not diocesan
may theoretician it's belittle
ever think that ur too small(this one hit home, just a little bit)
not hemisphere not beak
and my favorite:
leaf dapple on input

So, if presumably the purpose of spam is to get people to open the email, what the heck is the sense of these subject lines? I mean, i was wondering about my pasteboard dynamo just the other day, but i'm not sure if i'm going to open that message any time soon.

I think I'm going to start collecting the 'best of:' every day, then start trying to massage them into normal conversation. If my boss asks me how the spreadsheet is coming, I'll just explain that we're having some problems with the leaf dapple on input. That shoudl shut him up.

Lenten observances

2006-03-03T07:15:00.000-08:00

For those who don't know, the Catholic church encourages folks to not only Fast (and abstain from meat) during Lent, but also to give alms and pray more. These come directly from the 'Sermon on the Mount' when Jesus gives instruction as to 'how' to do these things.

Last year, I gave up TV for Lent and it was one of the best things I've ever done. I've resovled to do several things this year that I think will be spiritually fruitful for me and my family and I'd love to talk about those things. So my quandary is this: In the sermon, Jesus instructs us that (paraphrasing) 'when we pray, pray in a closet, and when we fast, act like we're not, and when we give alms, don't tell anyone'. If I am motivated by the blessings I've received via my Lenten observances to share them with other people in order to (hopefully) motivate them to consider Jesus' teachings, should I? Is Jesus warning against pride for pride's sake? Or is he literally saying that it's a private matter and should not be discussed?

Napster to go

2006-03-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

I received a free MP3 player when getting new phone service from BellSouth. This seemed like a great deal, except for a couple of things:
The MP3 player only works with 'Napster to go' subscription service - $15/month. This isn't horrible, BUT I've had a LOT of trouble getting some songs that I dowload to play on the MP3 player. I feel like if I'm going to pay $15/month, the service should be relatively seemless, no? And why is it especially ABBA songs that I have trouble with? What's up with that?

In general, though, having an MP3 players has absolutely changed my life. I used to try to exercise (jog) 3 times/week, and I'd be lucky to go 30 minutes. With my own music playing, like the theme from Rocky, I actually look forward to exercising and have been able to increase my frequency to 4-5 times/week, and work out for at least an hour each time.
Additionally, having music with me on the plane so that I don't have to talk to the freaks next to me is a big plus. Definitely helps that I can tune out the prick talking too loud on his cell phone in the next row.

So now that I'm an 'mp3 guy', I'm willing to find one that actually works as advertised. I'm guessing I-pod is the way to go, but I'm wondering what the deal is with it. Is it easy to download music to? Is it realiable? How many hours of music can you put on it? Anyone with experience with I-pod or any other service, please let me know wha tyou think.

Trading Spaces

2006-03-03T07:06:00.000-08:00

OK, so our friends Batch and Holly and Rachel and Brad were featured in a Trading Spaces episode. Their houses were damaged/destoryed by Katrina. The episode is airing Tomorrow night (March 4) at 8pm. Should be fun to watch.

Don Corleone

2005-12-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

Just finished 'The Godfather' by Mario Puzo. Amazing book, even after seeing the movie a thousand times. The movie is VERY true to the book, so there aren't any huge surprises. Nonetheless, it's a very enjoyable story. Four stars.

This is phenomenal

2005-12-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

This is a great story, and one I believe in very firmly. Tired of hearing the negative stereotypes that folks have of Mississippi, a Jackson-based PR firm decided to take action. They created a PR campaign that helps dispel some of the myths regarding our fair state. I love this.

You can see all of the ads at www.mississippibelieveit.com.

Another one

2005-12-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

Only Positive Mississippi Spoken Here

2005-12-15T11:04:00.000-08:00

A Month!

2005-12-13T14:00:00.000-08:00

Man, this is sick. It's been one day short of a month since I've posted. I guess life is starting to catch up with me. Here's what's new:
1. Sold our house in Diamondhead to my Aunt and Uncle. Conflicting emotions re: the sale. I have some guilt over leaving the coast when it's down on its luck, but at the same time I am confident this is the right move for my family and I'm also helping out my Aunt and Uncle who lost 3 houses in the storm and are trying to get back to the area.
2. Bought a house in Jackson. Very excited about moving to Jackson, getting a fresh start. Jenny and I are resolving to do a few things differently that we think will improve the quality of our lives over what it was in Diamondhead. First, we're going to make a concerted effort to be more involved in the Church. We think this will bring us into contact with more folks 'like us'. One thing we didn't find much of in D'head were young families with stay-at-home moms who shared our values. Secondly, we're going to become ultimate tailgaters. If we're only 2 hours from Starkville, we can plan ahead and tailgate the right way for EVERY home game. Very exciting. Third, we're still going to stay connected to the coast. We're planning on several camping trips down there as soon as some camp grounds and the islands open up.
3. Changed clients. No longer going to Richmond - will be heading to Jacksonville, FL for the rest of the year and all of 1Q06. Great town, and family friends live there.

I was recently asked to submit a Katrina article for our company newsletter. Here's what I sent in (some of it is re-used material):

Lessons Learned from Hurricane Katrina

Laurie asked me to write a few words about the affects of Hurricane Katrina on me and my family. First of all, I would like to thank each of you for your prayers and contributions for my family. Although my house was spared, over 20 of my family members were left homeless, car-less, and (some) jobless from the storm. Your contributions have gone to my mom, brother, aunts, uncles and cousins to help them re-start their lives. I could never repay the kindness you’ve shown us, but please know that each of you is in our prayers.
I have a hard time putting into words my perspective on this whole thing. At first, as I was sitting in Florida in a hotel room watching the storm make landfall, all I could think of was the massive destruction being caused to my community. It was very overwhelming to try to grasp the sheer scope of this thing. I grew up in New Orleans and knew the damage there would be bad, and I live on the coast of Mississippi where I feared it would be even worse. Unfortunately, I was right on both counts.
When I was able to ‘sneak’ home through the road blocks two days after the storm, my perspective changed completely. I started seeing this from the ‘bottom up’. I no longer saw this as a single major catastrophe. I was seeing an endless collection of individual hardships and tragedies. This wasn’t about entire zip codes or cities being destroyed, it was about each and every family who had lost their world (and in some cases their lives).
I view the relief effort from the same grass-roots perspective. I believe the solution lies in a collection of individual sacrifices made by people like you. Many of you made a personal sacrifice to help my family and the Batchelders. Whether you gave the equivalent of a cup of coffee or a steak dinner, the generosity you’ve shown is very significant to me and to others whom you'll never meet.
Now, before I start crying, here are my ‘Lessons Learned’ from this experience. Enjoy.
· Lesson 1: Have Job, Will Travel
Although I’ve NEVER complained about traveling (cough, cough), I have heard other consultants moan about this part of the job (and I’ve made a list of said consultants and will be discussing with Hallam shortly). Anyway, I can tell you that I’ve never been so grateful to have a job that was NOT dependent on the local economy as I am now that I have no local economy. This was truly a blessing in disguise.
· Lesson 2: There’s no shower like a ‘Heavenly’ shower
It takes exactly 1 (one) gallon of water to take a shower. That’s it. 1 gallon. I normally use more than that to brush my teeth. But in a pinch, you can do it, although you may have to skip the ‘rinse, repeat’ part of the shampoo instructions. Also, if there is no electricity in your neighborhood, it’s 97 degrees in your house, you’re living under a dusk to dawn curfew and martial law, 90% of your neighbors are evacuated, you’ve been sawing trees for 12 hours straight and it’s dark outside, you can take this ‘1 gallon shower’ in your driveway. It’s a very liberating experience.
· Lesson 3: ‘Teddy Bears can’t swim’
This isn’t actually a lesson I learned, but one that was handed down to me from a lady I met in Pass Christian, MS who rode out the storm there. Her house was pushed back 8 feet off of its foundation by the storm surge, but somehow she survived. I met her a couple of days after the storm, and she looked shell-shocked. But her humor and perspective were very apropos, I thought. She told me, "I learned two things from this experience. I learned that teddy bears don't know how to swim and I learned that I wear a size 32 in men's underwear." She said this with such sorrow from having lost those things dear to her (including, apparently her teddy bears) and such a humble gratitude for having her needs met by others (including someone who had some spare underwear) that I don't think I'll ever forget that statement.
· Lesson 4: Home is where your slab is
I guess the difference between this storm and most of the other disasters we’ve seen in the US in the past few years is that the destruction is so widespread. Not only are your neighbors’ houses gone, your neighbors’ neighbors’ houses are gone. And your church. And your grocery store. And your favorite po-boy shop. And your insurance agent’s office (I wonder if HE’LL have any trouble getting a settlement?). So many folks have been left with nothing but a slab that they have their own national identity now. They are called Slabber-Americans, and I think they are now a protected group.
· Lesson 5: People are Good, Structure people are better
I’m just kidding. What little news I heard on the radio in the days after the storm was in no way indicative of the true nature I saw in people. While politicians blamed each other, the folks I was in daily contact with were selfless and generous. People were giving what they didn’t have to give, all the while not knowing where their next meal was coming from. It was truly inspiring to me and a lesson I hope I remember for the rest of my life.
· Lesson 6: Flood insurance is a good idea
Need I elaborate? I don’t care if you live in the Himalayas, as long as the government is offering you this piece of mind for $250/year, take it. You never know when a hurricane is going to form over Lake Michigan or the Mississippi River’s going to decide to take back Missouri.
· Lesson 7: It’s all FEMA’s fault
Really. It is. No one should in any way be responsible for their own well-being. That’s the government’s job.
· Lesson 8: Mothers-in-law are people, too
If you’ve never had the experience of living with your Mother-in-law for 3 months, you should really try it. You’ll figure out that she is a person who has feelings and needs just like the rest of us. She’s sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes very angry, and sometimes really REALLY angry at you personally. Just kidding – my Mother-in-law has been a Godsend in providing a home for us that is both near an airport that is functioning and also near elementary schools that aren’t currently doubling as Red Cross shelters.

Big Bad Oil Companies Making Big Bad Profits

2005-11-14T14:13:00.000-08:00

OK, let’s discuss this ‘Windfall Tax’ that some members of congress are proposing to levy on ‘Big Oil’.
I think this is a brilliant move by Democrats intent on making Bush look bad. For starters, they get to bash big business and more directly ‘Big Oil’ for taking ‘excessive’ profits from their customers. We’ll talk about what ‘excessive’ means later, but the upshot is that the Dems are trying (and probably succeeding in the mind of Joe Public) to frame this as a case of the oppressive corporation vs. the everyman. If they actually get this bill passed, Bush will then be forced (by common sense) to veto it. Of course, the Dems will then attack, saying that Bush is proving once again that he’s in Big Oil’s pocket and that he doesn’t care about the little guy. If Bush vetoes it, we ALL lose in a very real sense, because this is just a stupid bill to begin with.

Here’s why the bill is a bad idea:First of all, the ‘windfall’ profits that Big Oil made are somewhere around 9%. That means that 91% of the money you pay for gasoline goes into taxes, research, exploration, corporate growth, new technology, etc. and 9% goes to making Big Oil a profitable and desirable investment. What do you think the markup on the shirt you’re wearing is? Do you think Penney’s only marked it up 3% over what they bought it for? No. From what I know about the clothing industry (which, admittedly is very little), the markup is over 100% on most quality clothing. Why isn’t congress taxing those bastards? Well, they’re not taxing those bastards because that makes for bad press, while taxing oil companies while gas prices are high makes for good press (at least to socialists).

Secondly, Big Oil as a whole is probably the biggest industry in our nation. Do you think that Exxon leaves their balance sheet up to the whims of OPEC on a daily basis? They do not. Exxon is selling oil today that they bought years ago on the futures market for much less than $70/barrel. So higher gas prices mean more profits. BUT, Exxon is currently buying future oil at a huge premium (as I sit here, Nov’06 oil is trading at $61.38/barrel). What happens if the price falls to $40 next Nov? I’ll tell you what. The gas at the pump will be $1.85 and Exxon will be supplying that with oil they bought at $61. Is congress going to go back and give Exxon a tax credit for losing money then? I doubt it.

Thirdly, the only reason people even care about the profit margin of Exxon is that gas prices are so high at the pump. Of course, it would be a lot cheaper if it weren’t taxed so heavily. In Mississippi, $.37 of every gallon you buy goes to the government. Since the US is buying record amounts of gasoline every year, doesn’t this increase the government’s take? Should the government give back some of this ‘windfall’? Yeah, I know that’s stupid – the government never gives anything back.

Finally, and most importantly, it is a bad idea to tax SUCCESS! Why in the hell would Congress want to tax companies that do well more than companies that do poorly? Of course, this is how they tax us as individuals, so maybe most folks don’t see the irony. Congress is proposing to punish oil companies for doing well, thus dis-incenting them from doing well in the future. This seems like a patently asinine idea to me, but maybe I’m missing something. In addition to being a stupid idea, this is also socialism (sorry, I guess that was repetitive). Last time I read my civics textbook, the US was a capitalistic democracy. This means survival of the fittest, as well as obeying the laws of supply and demand. If I feel that Exxon is charging too much, I should go to a company willing to take less than 9% profit. If I can’t find a company willing to do that, I should start my own – or I should ride a bike.

Gasoline is not a right, no matter what anyone thinks. It is a commodity, and it has a price. If you’re not willing to pay that price, don’t. If you think that companies can survive long-term by making less than what Exxon is making, then start a company and prove it. And guess what – if enough people take the action of not buying oil, prices will go down. That’s how it works. So don’t blame Exxon – no one put a gun to your head and told you to use the super-clean, efficient, pay-at-the-pump, 24 hour, well-lit, speedpass Exxon station. You can save that 9% profit you don’t want to give to them by going 3 blocks down the street to the discount gas station where you can get gasoline $.10 cheaper and also buy a pickled egg at the counter when you pay for your gas (cash only, of course).

I would love to be wrong on this one, so if I’m just missing the natural-gas hybrid powered bus, please speak up.

Night Fall

2005-11-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

Finished Night Fall by Nelson DeMille in about 2 sessions. Very quick read. Many of DeMille's books are about a recurring character, John Corey, who is a great smartass alcoholic ex-cop. He's actually my hero.
Anyway, I recommend the book (3 out of 4) if you like good characters and a little bit of mystery. The ending is definitley cool.

I picked up 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' and St. Aug's 'City of God' yesterday. I get the feeling they're both going to sit in my luggage while I keep buying and reading popular fiction. I'm making the effort, though. Who knows, maybe they're both more interesting than I think.

I am Charlotte Simmons (well, not me personally, but..)

2005-10-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Just finished 'I am Charlotte Simmons' by Tom Wolfe. Very interesting book. I'd heard a lot about Wolfe (the 'greatest living American novelist'), but had never read any of his works. I don't know if I agree with the 'greatest' tag, but I wouldn't mind reading some more of his stuff.

The book itself was about a VERY country girl who goes to a very elite and VERY liberal college. I think it's supposed to represent what all colleges are currently like. While I'm sure college life has changed dramatically in the 10 years since I was an undergrad, I doubt it's changed into the orgy this guy describes. Then again, maybe I just missed all the 'fun' when I was there. Anyway, definitely a recommended book. 3 out of 4 stars.

Catching up

2005-10-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

Been pretty slow going lately, as far as the blog is concerned. I've had the fortune of being able to travel to 4 different cities in 4 weeks. This isn't bad in and of itself, but it usually means that I have more work to do. This results in less time to blog. So I'll get back to it soon.

On the hurricane note, our parish has been adopted by two other Catholic parishes: one in Naperville, IL and another in Boston, MA.

The Naperville guys collected $20,000 for St. Paul's in their collection plate. Unbelievable. They also sent a crew down to help and get Fr. Dennis up and running in a new (donated) rectory and 'church office'. It's actually a cottage on the beach that survived behind the 'big house' of one of our parishoners. They gave it to the church for 2 years until we can be rebuilt.

The Boston guys are down now and helping out all over the place. They had a very good message for us Sunday at Mass (it was a 'homecoming' Mass, the first in the shell of what was St. Paul's). Mainly, they said that while they are helping us rebuild physically from the storm, they believe (and pray) that the experience can help their parish rebuild spiritually from the 'storms' they've endured in the past few years; namely, the priest abuse scandals that have destroyed so much of the faith community in the Boston area (and elsewhere). I pray that it is true on both accounts.

Top court seems closely divided on suicide law - Yahoo! News

2005-10-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

Top court seems closely divided on suicide law - Yahoo! News

This is an interesting article in that it exposes how politics (or political positions, rather) affect the SC justices' ability to interpret law. Mind you, the SC is there to hear a case and decide if the Constitution has been breached, nothing more. One of the biggest abuses of this power is that the SP has allowed Congress to strip the states of most of their rights, although the Constitution states that ALL rights belong to the states, unless expressly given to the Fed'l gov't.

Now, many of the justices are using 'State's Rights' as a rallying cry as to why Oregon should allow doctors to kill patients. Of course, in the abortion argument, these same justices don't give the states the right to limit access to abortion as the states see fit. So, as long as the state is allowing more death, it's a states' right. But if a state is protecting life, that's a federal issue. Say what?

Never mind that this whole thing stinks because of the way it degrades our society. I learned somewhere that your rights apply only until they impede on someone else's. So do you have a right to kill yourself? Absolutely. Besides, it would be pretty hard to prosecute you if you were successful. Does a doctor have a right to assist you? Absolutely not. The doctor has a special position in our society and has taken an oath to 'do no harm'. Not only that, but these same doctors are then tasked with determining if the patient is of 'sound mind' to make this decision. Can this decision not be swayed by what the doctor sees as unbearable suffering? Will the doctor, by definition, already have a pre-existing opinion about whether or not 'assisted' suicide (isn't that an oxymoron?) is an acceptable option?

In a spiritual sense, isn't this whole thing a cop out anyway. I know this is easy for me to say because I'm not currently suffering from an inoperable ailment (that I know of), but isn't there some value in suffering? Were we really made to skate through life and then check out by our own hand when the going gets tough? Are the sick not truly blessed? I think I read somewhere that they are:) I don't remember reading anything about 'blessed are the suicidal, theirs is the kingdom of Heaven'. I know this particular argument is no concern of the Supreme Court. But in the spiritual realm, any law that allows (or encourages) the killing of innocent people only promotes a 'culture of death'. And if one person thinks that his actions (even unto himself) do not affect everyone else, he is plainly wrong.

Domo Arigato, Mr. Dominiono

2005-09-30T05:39:00.000-07:00

As I wrote below, my client raised a bunch of money for my family who've been put out b/c of the storm. I've been trying to write an appropriate thank you (which isn't easy) and came up with this. I list it here b/c I think in some ways it starts to summarize how I think about all this;

"I'm not sure that I have the ability to thank you all properly for your generosity, but I'll give it a try anyhow.

"The thing that strikes me about this whole mess is that this isn't really a matter of 'mass destruction'. Yes, from the aerial photos and the news, that's EXACTLY what it appears to be. But in the end, it is actually a much more specific thing. It is really a collection of individual stories and heartbreaks that are impossible to comprehend on such a grand scale. It's not about cities or zip codes being flooded and destroyed, it's about each and every person and family that is starting over from nothing. I met one woman in Pass Christian, MS who lived a block or two from my mom and who stayed through the storm. Her house was moved back about 8 ft from it's foundation from the tidal surge. When I met her, she looked like she'd lived through a war. But her humor and perspective were very apropos, I thought. She told me, "I learned two things from this experience. I learned that teddy bears don't know how to swim and I learned that I wear a size 32 in men's underwear." She said this with such sorrow from having lost those things dear to her (including, apparently her teddy bears) and such a humble gratitude for having her needs met by others (including someone who had some spare underwear) that I don't think I'll ever forget that statement. Talk about a great equalizer. So many people have found themselves dependent on the generosity of others for the first time in their lives.

"In the same way that this tragedy is really a collection of particular hardships, the relief is delivered in a collection of small generosities, not in one Big Solution. Each of you made an individual sacrifice to help my family. Whether you gave the equivalent of a cup of coffee or a steak dinner, that generosity is very significant to me and to others whom you'll never meet. So you know, you will each be in the prayers of my family. It's the least we can give back. "

The Dark Tower Series

2005-09-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

I finished Wolves of the Calla today at lunch. This explains exactly why the Dark Tower books are my favorite and least favorite fiction I've ever read. I couldn't wait for lunch to come so I could grab the book and finish it.
I read the first of the Dark Tower trilogy (as it was at the time) probably 10 years ago. It immediately topped the list of all books I'd read to that point. Then I read #2, which I thought was much better. #3 seemed like an appetizer for #4, which sucked at the time because #4 hadn't been written yet (King apparently wrote #1 in the seventies and has taken his own sweet time getting the full story out). #4 was worth the wait. Wolves of the Calla was #5, and the other two are out (going to buy #6 today, even though it's not in paperback yet).
I wonder what draws me into these books. They're sorta science fiction (although much more western, to my mind), which I don't usually enjoy. I've been able to come up with two reasons, which I'm not sure I'll be able to articulate very well.
1. The characters are exceedingly human (in all their weaknesses and frailties), yet they're able to tap into some sort of potential that I think each of us have. The main protagonists are able to focus their energy and abilities in such a way that they seem super-human (not only to the other characters in teh book, but to the readers). The trick, though, is that they're not 'super' at all. They're just a lot less lazy than the rest of us. Rather than wasting their time and sleep-walking through everything, they concentrate on the details (which help them to survive), all the while training their abilities (which helps them to kill). I think this strikes a nerve in me, that there is an untapped reserve of abilities within me (or any of us) that could be used if only we could concentrate and be disciplined enough to use them. I think this is a deeply Christian theme, in that each of us have a spirit in us that could be let loose in amazing ways, if we just didn't spend so much time watching infomercials and trying to supress what God would have us be. The other thing about the characters is that they face moral choices at ever turn, but they see them in black and white. There's no grey area, or 'situational morality'. They have to choose between right and wrong (and don't always choose correctly) and deal with the consequences from there. It's very refershing in a way.
2. I think the only book I've ever read that comes close to 'putting me in a place' like the gunslinger tales do is Stephen King's The Stand. That's probably not a coincidence, since there are so many similarities (coincidences) between the two. The majority of the books takes place in a sort of parallel universe, where everyone speaks english but in a slightly different dialect. The book has a language of its own (I think there's actually an appendix you can buy that includes a glossary of terms in the book). King delivers this dialect in such a way that you not only understand it pretty quickly, but it eventually pervades your own thought. When I'm in the middle of one of the books, I start to think in the dialect of those in the books. Not just while you're reading them, but later when I'm having normal conversations with real people. I think it's a testament to King's abilities as a writer. My guess is that even if he weren't writing horror fiction, King would be our time's greatest writer in whatever genre he chose. Because while his premises are pretty 'far out', the rub is in HOW he delivers them. Absolutely amazing to me.

So my 'rating' of the book is 5 out of 5. I encourage anyone who enjoys fiction to pick up the first one (The Gunslinger) and read it. Don't let the fact that it's Stephen King deter you (even if you don't like his other stories). Dont' let the thought that it's 'science fiction' deter you (because it's most certainly not Dr. Who, it's much more a good vs. evil morality tale). And don't let the fact that it's a series of books deter you, because it isn't really at all. It's one (very long) book that happened to be published over 30 years. I doubt you'd be disappointed.

Shark Jumping

2005-09-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

This may be old news, but there is a website called www.jumptheshark.com. The website is a great idea (although horribly put together). It lists thousands of tv shows and people can vote on when the TV show 'jumped the shark'; in other words, when did you KNOW that that particular tv show was on its way to cancellation. There are even categories of common 'jump the shark' moments, like when they replace use a new actor to portray the SAME character (ala Darrin on Bewitched), or when they bring in some 'cute' little blong head kid as a new addition to the family (see Cosby Show, Brady Bunch, Growing Pains, Scooby Doo, Diff'rent Strokes, etc.). Other 'jump the shark' chategories include when they have a 'very special episode', or when the characters move locations (Laverne and Shriley leave Milwaukee for LA).

Anyway, I've pretty much summarized the entire website, so no need to waste your time there. The best part, though, is the name. I don't think they explain this on the site anywhere, but it comes from the Happy Days episode when Fonzi has to jump a shark while water skiing for some forgotten reason (I remember he does it in white shorts and still wearing his leather jacket). I can't think of a more perfect moment when you knew a TV show would never be good again (not even when they brought in Pinky Tuscadero in that episode where she has to win the demolition derby to save Al's diner, or somesuch).

So, anyway, not to steal jumptheshark's thunder, but can you think of any jumptheshark moments?

Here's the moments from some of my favorite shows over time (I'm sure these are all already listed on the site, but I didn't read the whole thing):
Cheers: Dianne leaves the show (followed closely by Coach dying).
Dukes of Hazzard: Bo and Luke replaced by their cousins.
Cosby Show: The oldest sister gets married and they bring that goofy husband of hers into the show full-time.
Friends: Ross and Rachel finally hook up.
ER: Clooney leaves.
Seinfeld: The finale is the only one that sucked.
Manimal: Had to be the first episode.

Gallows' Humor

2005-09-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

I don't condone folks making a profit off of the storm, but I DO have a bit of a dark sense of humor sometimes and thought this was a pretty funny shirt:

I thought we covered this already

2005-09-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2174828

Just wait until the Breast Cancer Survivors get wind of this.

Big Props!

2005-09-28T11:51:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write a few words about some of the unbelievable acts of charity that I've seen in the past few weeks. (Note: by Charity, I don't necessarily mean giving $. I'm talking about Charity as in 'Faith, Hope and Charity'- loving your neighbor as yourself). Some of them are little things, but all of them impacted me and others so much that I think they deserve recognition (even in this space that only 4 people read in a good month:)

First of all, my Dad and Skip came down in a heartbeat to help me out. This is sorta their job, being family and all, but once we realized that there wasn't much urgent work to do around my house, they spent a week there anyway working for my neighbors, none of whom they'd ever met before (and most of whom I'd never met). They were up at 8 and working all day in the heat, cutting trees and patching roofs, doing whatever was needed until sundown. Then they got the reward of eating a hot MRE and sleeping in an 90 degree house with no running water.
My client, Dominion, 'passed the hat' for my family who'd lost their homes and raised $650 in a week to go to my mom, brother and others. To begin with, this is astonishing. But more so if you understand that clients don't always inherently like consultants. They usually think we're overpaid, underworked salesmen who come in and just make more work for them (all of which are mostly true). So to think that they could raise that much money (over 20 people gave) for the family of a guy who they look at as an outsider to begin with just magnifies their generosity in my mind.
One of the ladies in the office (who I've met maybe 5 times and been in probably 2 meetings with over 2 years) came by today and gave me a gift bag with movies, books and games in it for my kids. She said she knew that we were doing OK, but figured it must be hard on the kids to be displaced and wanted to give them some diversion.
A fraternity brother of mine sent two generators from his Vet practice in Florida to us. Unprompted. Then he went out and bought two new ones to replace them and refused payment for them and is ready to come help when we get ready for another work party. That's no chump change.
When Jenny and I were trying to get back to Miss., we ran into a 50-ish man at a gas station in BFE, Alabama who had a beat up old truck with a beat up old flat-bed trailer on it. He was filling probably 300 gallons worth of gas tanks in the bed of his p/u and on his trailer. We asked him what he was doing, and he said 'I don't know where I'm going, but I'm sure there are people down there who are going to need gas. So I'm going to fill these and bring them and come back.' He must've spent close to $1000 in gas, and he didn't look like he had $1000 laying around to squander.
On my way down to the coast a couple of weeks ago, my Bronco decided that it was too tired to go on. I luckily pulled over at a gas station before it died. It was about 8pm and I called a wrecker service. The guy came by and helped me look at the truck and then left to get some parts/tools. He came back and helped me get the truck cranked again. By the time he was done, it was near midnight. He wouldn't let me pay him, just said 'you get down there to that coast and let me know if there's any way I can help ya'll down there.'
As I said, my Bronco was in bad shape and it died again once I got back to Jackson. I brought it to the Ford dealership the next morning to use as a trade in. The folks at the dealership spent an hour talking to me about the coast, rather than dickering about price. I'm a pretty knowledgeable buyer when it comes to vehicles, and they offered me the new truck for $1000 less than the lowest price I could possibly have expected. They even gave me $900 for the Bronco that would only run about 25 miles before killing again. At the end of the 'sale', the owner of the Ford place came up and told me and said 'If there's ANYTHING AT ALL that we can do for ya'll down there, let me know and it'll be done. We'll worry about the details later, you just tell me and we'll make it happen.' When I say this guy was sincere, I mean it. I honestly believe I could've asked him for 25 new trucks or 25 truckloads of food to be in Diamondhead the next morning and they would've been there, no quesitons asked.
There are groups of folks from every church denomination I can think of on the coast in work parties. Catholic churches across the country are adopting the parishes on the coast and helping in any way they can. The Mormon's, I'm told, do good roof work (and they probably don't even drink beer while doing it, which makes it that much harder). I know Batch's church has a party of folks going out and working on houses that need it. It's unbelievable.
Jackson is in school at St. Richard's in Jackson, MS. He was enrolled immediately, no questions asked and for free. I have no idea what the tuition is there ($300/month?), but that is truly a great service to us.

I know these are very simple things and very small in the face of the whole catastrophe. But these are just the things I've seen in person. It's only a drop in the bucket of the prayers and works that folks are doing for us on the coast. I hope I can take some of this selflessness with me after this is all over and use it in my every day life.

Reading

2005-09-28T11:28:00.000-07:00

Noticed on several blog that I read that the authors keep a running list of current books they're reading and have recently read. I like to see what others are reading, and it helps me to pick out new books I'd like to check out. Anyway, I've included some of my own down the margin (mostly because I like the pretty pictures). I hope to actually write some sort of a useful 'review' of each once I finish. Then I'm going to hire Batch to teach me how to link the book's picture to my review.

Picker Upper

2005-09-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

Man, I tell you. All I have to do now if I'm having a bad day is watch that Kanye West clip (below) to cheer me up.

'President Bush does not like black people.' Man, I don't know what's so damn funny about that (whether it's the statement, or Mike Myers face, or Chris Tucker's look, I don't know), but I LOVE it.

High Comedy

2005-09-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

This may be the funniest live TV moment in the past 20 years. I don't know if you've heard about this whole deal with Kanye West (a rapper, I guess) saying Bush hates black people during a Katrina telethon. The clip is hillarious. Mike Myers looks like he poops his pants when Kanye goes off the script. Even Chris Tucker is speechless:

http://movies.crooksandliars.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People.wmv

My special purpose

2005-09-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

"I've found my special purpose" - Navin R. Johnson

OK, not so much, but I feel a bit better after going to church yesterday and praying over our future. I feel some peace knowing a few things:
1. I'm blessed with a job that is not local to the coast. While this means time away from family, it also means that my paycheck has not been affected by the hurricane. Talk about a blessing in disguise.
2. Because I travel, I cannot live at home right now (airport isn't very serviceable). Another blessing, because that frees up our house for use by those in the area who have lost their homes but need to stay close for their jobs.
3. I still get a paycheck. I can count a LOT of people in my close family who are unemployed and have no housing. I feel like I'm going to work for the entire community, rather than just for my bank account.

These things are either me rationalizing or truly are a blessing to me and my family right now. Anyway, they made flying to Richmond this morning a LOT easier.

Be careful what you wish for

2005-09-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

This is a link to my friend Batch's blog. He has pictures of his house (nay, pictures of his slab) after the hurricane.
http://simuljustusetpeccator.blogspot.com/

Funny(ish) story is that he and I boarded up his house the day before the storm. I wonder if those screws we used held? After we boarded up, we sat on his stoop (still there) and drank a beer and he told me he wished he could blow up Hwy 90 so it wouldn't spoil his view of the beach. I'm thinking he should have been a little more specific. But he got his wish, Hwy 90 is gone.

I jest, but please pray for Batch and his wife Holly (and their dog Luke).

Ugh

2005-09-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Well,
This is my first attempt to get out some of the stuff inside me re: this hurricane. I want to state upfront that I'm well aware of how insufficient this blog is going to be in truly expressing what I'm feeling, but I feel compelled to try anyway.
Jenny and the kids and I spent the first two day of the storm in Panama City Beach, FL. This was an awkward time b/c we were getting an idea of how bad this thing was, but couldn't get any specific information re: Pass Christian or Diamondhead. I finally saw the governor's flyover (once we made it Jackson), which gave me a sense of what PC had lost. Still no word on Diamondhead.
Jenny and I had the opportunity to leave Jackson on Wed(?) after the storm and head to D'head. I was truly shocked to see how much devastation was there. I figured D'head was too high to get much floodwater, but I figure at least 25% of the homes were flooded (many destroyed completely). I estimate that over 90% of all houses had some damage. Ours was VERY minor in comparison to the rest.
Jenny left me in D'head to fend for myself and see if I could be of some use. I was able to do some volunteering with the D'head Fire Dept, but mainly had to just find individuals to help on my own. There was just no way for anything to be organized; there was no communication, roads were impassible, everyone 'in charge' was either missing or out of town. I doubt that it could have been less organized, but I'm not sure it could have been any better, either.
Dad and Skip joined me at Camp Mahne/Manuel for a week or so. I think each of us felt a sense of accomplishment in being able to help the neighbors shore up their roofs, clear driveways/streets, and do other work. We went to sleep every night absolutely exhausted.
I've had a tough time since leaving. I can't stand to hear the blame and political talk surrounding the situation. I also can't adjust to the fact that I'm not there to be part of the solution. I'm supposed to fly to work on Monday and can't think of anything that could be worse than sitting in Richmond, VA doing NOTHING for the coast.
I was talking with Jenny today and we are both very much mourning our community. We have our house, but have lost so much of the more important things. My mom is moving to Iowa. Two of Jenny's aunts lost their houses, not sure where they'll end up. Jenny's PaPa's house was flooded, not sure where he'll go. Our church is gone, and I'm sure over 50% of the church members lsot their houses (or had them flooded). Our best friends on the coast lost their house, not sure where they're headed. My favorite po-boy place is gone. The waters are unnavigable until we can mark all the sunken boats. Just seems that everything we enjoyed about the coast is gone.
I believe that the coast will rebound, probably better than it was. My biggest problem now is that I'm not part of the solution. My job is not local and contributes nothing to the progress. Also, because I need a serviceable airport, I can't live at home and help out on weekends. I feel so motivated to be part of the solution, but can't figure out how to do it. Part of me believes this may be an opportunity to change careers and apply myself to something I truly believe in and will truly enjoy. I'm just struggling to know what that is.
Of course, all this whining leaves me feeling pretty ungrateful. How can I complain when I still have my health, my family and my house? Good question. But I'm not mourning what I've lost as much as I'm mourning my inability to contribute. I know there's a greater Plan here for me, please pray that I can discern it and have the strength to follow whatever calling He has for me.

I'm a tool

2005-08-23T09:14:00.000-07:00

Told you about how Entourage is the best show on TV right now. Case in point: Ari, the sleezy agent is jogging in the park on the last episode and passes a really hot chick pushing a jogging stroller and he yells to her, 'Got MILF?'

The funny part about this wasn't the comment (although it was pretty good); it is that only a couple of months ago I had no idea what a MILF was. I'd heard it a couple of times in movies and what-not, but I can admit that I'm not that most 'hip' cat in the litter. So, in order to find out, I did what I do with ANY open question I have, I googled it.

Memo: never google unknown acronyms at work. Nothing good ever comes of it.

So I google 'MILF' and get about 800,000 links. That should've been a clue right there, but I wasn't paying all that much attention (if you get 800,000 responses to a google search you either just put in 'Britney Spears' or something porn-related, or both, or so I've been told). Anyway, I click on the first MILF link and the response just makes me glad that my worksite at the time didn't log internet traffic or i'd probably be unemployed right now.

A Father's Duty

2005-08-23T02:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm letting the cat out of the bag, here, but in case you don't know; Men think on a different plane than the fairer of our species. As such, we have this little fantasy world in our heads which causes us to think all sorts of stupid things. One of the things that really gets this delusion going is fatherhood.

Fathers have essentially 2 criteria for determining if they were successful in raising their kids (one for girls, one for boys). Let's call them the Critical Success Factors for Fatherhood.

For fathers of girls: No matter what else happens, a father will consider himself a success if his daughter is a virgin when she graduates high school.

Well, you might say, "What if your virgin daughter is smoking crack at 17, would you still be a success?" Good question, but the truth is that if she's a virgin, she's not smoking crack, and if she's smoking crack, she's ain't no virgin. Statistics probably say that 85% (or something) of girls are NOT virgins when they graduate. AND most guys spent their entire high school years trying to make sure that the percentage stayed up in that area. But this does not change a man's thinking that a) this is a barometer of his success as a father and b) he has some ability to influence this. Both of which are pretty shaky assumptions.

For fathers of boys: A father feels successful if his son doesn't grow into a nancy boy.
Let me expound some on 'nancy boy'.

First of all, I don't mean gay. If your son is gay, he's a nancy, but just cause he's a nancy doesn't mean he's gay. So you will consider yourself a failure if your son plays flute in the high school band, even if he's straight.
One good thing about this rule is that a father has a much greater chance at actually succeeding in this department than he does of keeping his daughter a virgin until 18. The other good thing is that the symptoms are pretty obvious. I mean, if your son holds his nose when jumping into a pool, he's halfway home to being a momma's boy. Is there anything more girly than this? My sisters still hold their noses when diving. I don't get it. Another sign might be that when he plays 'Dukes of Hazzard' with his friends, he's always Enis (yes, I realize that it's possible that pre-pubescent boys in 2005 don't play 'Dukes of Hazzard', but when I was a kid I thought my Big Wheel was the General Lee). I'm sure you can think of others.

That's all there is to successful parenting, at least in a man's mind. Seem simplisitc? Maybe it is, but I bet if you ask any father, he'd pretty much agree with me.

Mommy's Favorite:

Distracted from work

2005-08-11T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's really hard to work while listening to Neil Diamond's 'America'. I wonder if my lip-synching and fist-pumping is drawing any attention.
"WE'RE COMING TO AMERICA"
"TODAY!"
Hey, if the boss has a problem with it, screw him.
"My country 'tis of thee"
"TODAY!"
We're at war, by God, and this isn't just some schmo. It's Neil (you know you feel it).
"Sweet Land of Liberty"
"TODAY!"
I think that was a tear.
"TODAY....today....today...today"

I know, I'm an absolute freak. Best part is Sinatra came on the radio next, singing 'My way'. Not what I needed after Neil softened me up.

There's a joke in here somewhere

2005-08-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

CNN.com - Harris: Papers doctored makeup in photos - Aug 4, 2005

I was the first to think that Hillary's 'Vast Right Wing Conspiracy' was the creation of a paranoid, over-politicized mind. Well, I think that somehow Katherine Harris fits that profile as well.

Harris claims that the 'Vast Left-Wing Media' doctored photos of her to accentuate the amount of makeup she was wearing. Was there no one else present besides Harris and the photographers? Can't we just ask someone else who was there ('Was she painted like a whore or not?')?

I don't know if I think the 'media' in general are all that fair, but I'm pretty sure the photos aren't doctored. Plus, I remember video of the chick back then, and she pretty much looked like Bozo on film, too. Did they alter the video as well?

This woman is making a legitimate run for the United States Senate, arguably the most important elected office in the land (behind the Presidency). Shouldn't there be a minimal level of dignity required to run for such an office? I know, that's a stupid question considering the actions of our legislature.

Another point - anyone making a serious run for Senator (especially a person as 'connected' as Harris) calculates every statement they issue. Harris undoubtedly has PR and Strategy people who discussed beforehand whether this was an issue worth 'spinning' in the press. Hannity mainly throws softballs to conservatives on his show, so I have no doubt that they discussed this topic before they were on the air. Which leads me to a very scary conclusion: Harris somehow thinks that this discussion about her makeup is going to lead to more votes. I mean, that's her goal, right? To get elected. And she and her people are carefully crafting a message with that goal in mind. And that message apparently includes that the Left Wing Media made her look like Mr. Ed. The problem is that she and her people are probably right.

If I were a political strategist, I would probably conclude that this type of crap is actually more effective than discussing potential solutions to real issues. I would conclude that the more I can demean and denigrate the 'other side', the more I can shore up my base. Because to me, it would appear that voters are more swayed by the us (good) vs. them (evil) argument than by any real substance. So this is the logical conclusion in a two-party system. Eventually, the entire system devolves into 2 poles, one black one white. No gray. No compromise. No progress.

Entourage

2005-08-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

HBO: Entourage
If it weren't for HBO, I don't think there'd be anything (other than sports) worth watching on TV. I've been a sucker for the Sopranos for several years now and can't wait for a new season (I think it's starting in 2007). In the mean time, I started watching Entourage. I avoided it like the plague last season mainly because Marky Mark is the writer/producer or some such. I really need to get over that, cause this show is awsome! Marky Mark is apparently more than an underwear model.
Jeremy Piven is in it and may be the best actor going (except maybe for Vince Vaughn). Piven played Droz in PCU (a VERY underrated movie), Dean Gordon in Old School, and now Ari the prick Agent in Entourage.
My only complaint is that Entourage is a half-hour show and I'm left wanting to see more every week. Also, I love the dialogue, but if you cut out the 'filler', there's too little of it in each show. Worth a watch, though.

On the flip side is 'The Comeback' starring Lisa Kudrow. This is like watching a train wreck. It's very painful to sit through, and yet I do it every week (usually so I don't miss the beginning of Entourage). Kudrow's character is so royally annoying and the 'reality' look so perturbing, it makes my brain hurt. BUT, it's kinda fun to see how her character gets screwed every week, plus there's quite a biting satire underlying the show.

Year of the Red Skin

2005-08-08T11:05:00.000-07:00

ESPN.com - NCAA - FSU blasts NCAA playoff Indian mascot ban

Besides getting their jails equipped with saunas, the Native American Indian lobby has now succeeded in bending the NCAA to its will (not that getting the NCAA to bend is much of an accomplishment).

I have a problem with this on a couple of different fronts:
1) Although I admit that I am thoroughly unqualified to speak on this issue, I just don't see what's so 'offensive' about having an indian mascot. Honestly. ESPECIALLY in the case of the U of Illinois and Florida State. From what I know, both of these schools go out of their way to ensure that they represent a specific tribe that is native to their areas with accuracy and respect. I can see where the caricature that the Cleveland Indians used to use (along with the name Chief Knock-a-homa) could be disrespectful. But these two schools have actually probably brought more positive attention to these tribes than they would otherwise be afforded. Not to mention that the Seminole Tribe of Florida has explicity endorsed FSU's use of its mascot.

2) The NCAA (once again) is entering a political arena where I don't think it belongs. Several years ago, the NCAA determined that because the Confederate battle flag is offensive to many people (no argument) and because the State of Mississippi incorporates the Confederate battle flag into the design of the state flag, that no NCAA tournament (that is assigned beforehand) can take place in Mississippi (until the flag is changed). Now, nevermind that the 'Lone Star' of Texas finds its roots in the Bonnie Blue (another flag flown over the Confederate forces), or that Alabama's flag (and Florida's) are derived in part from the design of the battle flag http://www.anyflag.com/history/bonnie.htm. If Mississippi changed it's flag to the Bonnie Blue (which it flew during the war), this would be OK, in the NCAA's eyes. I just think it's a slippery slope when the NCAA tries to dictate policy to different political groups via its institutions (which are bound by state laws, rather than the writers of state laws). What if the NCAA decides that it disagrees with Republicans or Democrats? Will any state with a Republican (or Democrat) Governor be disallowed from hosting NCAA events? How in the hell are member institutions supposed to 'fix' the situation?
Now the NCAA has dictated that its members cannot have mascots that are deemed offensive to certain groups of people (even though, in the case of FSU, the specific group of people represented are supportive of said mascots). Again, a slippery slope of politics that I don't think the NCAA really wants any part of. Many have made fun of the decision, wondering what happens when PETA denounces the use of animals as mascots, etc. But I think a much more likely scenario is that Protestant/Anglican sensibilities are offended by the 'Fighting Irish' of Notre Dame. Or Catholic/Celtic sensibilities by the Orange of Syracuse.
Defenders of the NCAA remind us that it is a voluntary organization and that schools are free to leave it as they see fit. This is probably a more realistic probability than the NCAA thinks. With the consolidation and expansion of conferences, all it would take is for one 'super-conference' to secede and create its own athletic association. Imagine the SEC and ACC joining forces to create a new organization. Independent-minded Notre Dame would at least be enticed by this. The Big XII and it's notorious hatred (and disregard) of the NCAA's rules would follow suit. The Big Ten/Eleven would stay, as would the Pac 10 (both with upturned noses towards their unrepentent Southern counterparts). Thus, we'd be back to 2 national championship games (the Rose Bowl and the Sugar Bowl). Oh, what a wonderful world it would be :)

Holy Naked Indians, Batman!

2005-08-05T05:33:00.000-07:00

While reading an editorial in the Wall Street Journal, I learned that it is state law in Oregon that all prisons be equipped with a ‘Native American Sweat Lodge.’ Now, I have no idea what the fuck a Native American Sweat Lodge is, but I promise here and now that I will scour the ends of the earth to find out for you, gentle reader, what this means to our civilization. My guess is it has some religious significance (thus would be ‘discriminatory’ if not provided to prisoners) and is very expensive. Of course, when the words ‘Prison’ and ‘Sweat Lodge’ are jumbled together in my mind, I somehow think this could just be code for Gay Indian Sauna. I’d Google it right now to find out what it is, but I’m on a plane (an ON TIME plane, will wonders ever cease) and have no internet access. Which makes me wonder:
Why in the hell is it that a convict has a right to have use of a Native American Sweat Lodge when I don’t have a right to free high-speed internet access while flying? What a travesty!

One year anniversary

2005-08-04T13:18:00.000-07:00

So, today is the one year anniversary of my foray into cyber blogging. I've posted maybe 50 things on here, 5 of which are probably worth reading. I do have a favorite, though:

CagerMania: Mississippi State Football, Clinical Depression, and You: a cerebral analysis of the effects of losing to Vandy on the human psyche

Anyway, as Batch pointed out so rudely, no one really reads this thing. But that's my fault in two parts:
1) I've only sent the link to a total of 12 people.
and
2) I only update the thing once a month or so.

So in my second year I pledge a few things:
1) Stop being so damn picky/afraid of who might read this thing.
2) Stop being so damn pick/afraid of what I write on this thing.
3) Post more often.

Football season always seems to give me plenty of things to get off my chest, so here's to some momentum for the ol' blog.

I'm not a violent man, but...

2005-08-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

...I would have cold-cocked this woman:
CNN.com - Police: Woman tries�to open door�during flight - Aug 4, 2005

Of course, I watch MythBusters so I know that we would NOT have all been sucked out of the plane to our deaths. So as long as her plan was to open the door and then jump, maybe I would've let her get on with it (one less crazy bitch with a death wish is probably a good thing for us all). It would have been one hell of a bumpy landing, though.

This DOES gives me an idea, though. The airlines should use these types of incidents as persuasive evidence during their in-flight safety speeches:
"When the fasten seat belt sign is lit, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened, because some crazy bitch might try to open a door at 35,000 feet. Of course, if you're in a position to tackle, impede, or otherwise maim said crazy bitch BEFORE she opens the door, please feel free to release your seatbelt by pulling on the tab like so."
"Federal law prohibits smoking in the cabin and lavatory areas. Federal law also provides for fines or jail time for anyone tampering with, dismantling or otherwise disabling the lavatory smoke detectors. If you light a match, we're going to assume you're a shoe bomber and we'll give permission to the fat guy in 23 D to have his way with you."

More Pigskin Prognostication

2005-08-02T13:25:00.000-07:00

I've gone through the entire SEC schedule and am making my predictions for the season. I have to do this now, b/c my expectations for State are quickly rising.

SEC West:
1. ULBR (9-2, 6-2)
2. Auby (8-3, 5-3)
T3. Bama (6-5, 3-5)
T3. State (6-5, 3-5)
T3. Arky (5-6, 3-5)
T3. Umissed (5-6, 3-5)

SEC East:
1. UT (11-0, 8-0)
2. UF (8-3, 5-3)
3. UGA (7-4, 5-3)
4. USC (6-5, 4-4)
5. Vandy (4-7, 2-6)
6. UK (2-9, 0-8)

SEC Championship Game:
ULBR upsets UT in a Week 4 rematch, goes BCS. UT goes BCS at-large with an 11-1 record.

Bowls:
ULBR - Sugar
UT - Fiesta
Florida - Capital One
Auby - Cotton
UGA - Outback
Bama - Peach
State - Independence
USC - Music City

No one goes to the Houston bowl from the SEC due to 2 BCS teams.
Disclaimer: The I-Bowl is decided on the final day of the regular season by the Egg Bowl. I think this game is a toss-up, but State's at home (for what that's worth) and I'm an eternal optimist, so I pick them. If mississippi wins that game, they also finish higher than Bama and go to the Peach, who winds up in the I-Bowl.

Upsets:
Bama over ULBR in Tuscaloosa.
Auby over ULBR in red stick.
USC beats Florida in Spurrier's one signature win of 05.
State beat UGA at home.
Mississippi beats Bama for second time since the coming of Christ.
Vandy beats mississippi and Kentucky (any win for Vandy in conference is an upset).

SUCCESS!!!!

2005-08-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out how to post links. Actually, I just changed the format of the page to one that had some pre-defined links on it. Either way, I've broken through the technological barrier that was keeping me down. Of course, I don't really have any links to put there. But it's nice to have the option. Next goal: pictures.

SEC Football Media Days

2005-07-27T05:49:00.000-07:00

SEC Football Media Days start today in Birmingham, AL. You know what that means? It's only a matter of hours before the transformation takes place. Slowly, all rational thought will escape my head, to be replaced by an unhealthy sense of optimism regarding the bulldogs' season. It shouldn't happen, I should know better. But inevitably, no matter how many 3 and 4 win seasons precede this one, I will start thinking Bowl Game.

Just so you know, before the gremlins of blind optimism come in and gnaw away at any semblence of reality I might have left in my puny little brain, I currently think the Dogs will go 4-7. Ask me in two weeks and I'll be spouting off about National Championships and Great White Hopes. Yes, I know I have a disease. But at least I acknowledge it and am able to embrace my weaknesses.

Wins: Murray State, Tulane, Houston, Kentucky.
Losses: Auby, UGA, ULBR, UF
Maybes: Bama, Arky, Umissed

Hey, you know what I just realized? It's entirely possible that the Dogs could beat 2 of the 3 'maybes' listed above. I mean, Arky and Umissed are both rebuilding and we usually play Bama tough at home. We may very well go 6-5 (Music City Bowl) or 7-4 (I-Bowl). (Did you see how quickly that happened? I started this blog with a healthy sense of realism, and only two paragraphs later I'm out of my head).

Blog updating

2005-07-26T15:29:00.000-07:00

I was looking today and realized I haven't updated it in a long time. Then I thought about it and realized that I HAVE updated it, the entries just got lost on the internet somewhere. There was a particularly convincing one about how State vs. Ole Miss is the most heated rivalry in all of college sports. But since it was lost somehow, you'll never get to read it.

Does God punish smart asses?

2005-07-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

So, my whole family (brothers and sisters, parents, nephews, brothers-in-law, 17 in all) is planning a vacation next week outside of Destin, FL. We have a big email list going where we make fun of one another and talk about details of the trip.
Two weeks ago, after the 2 shark attacks in that very area, everone started sending emails about how they were worried about the sharks. In my infinite wisdom, I told them that they had nothing to worry about because the hurricane that was sure to come would keep the sharks away. Little did I suspect that Dennis was going to form and (as of press time) be pointed directly at us. The neatest thing is that the 'probable landfall' cone ranges from approximately my back yard to the vacation house. So I'm pretty much screwed either way. Plus, I've pissed off everyone in my family by 'jinxing' us. Ain't that funny!?!
Here's to hoping that the Weather Center is about as accurate as usual, which means the hurricane will turn and probably hit Mexico.

Just One Look by Harlan Coben

2005-07-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not a HUGE fan of this author, but he's really popular right now and it's easy to get his books at any airport newsstand, so I wind up reading him a lot. Anyway, this 'Just One Look' kept me up until 2am this morning. It's a good book, full of twists and turns. I recommend it. Mom- I'll bring it to Florida with me so you can read it.

I think this is called 'Microfiction'

2005-07-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

The Delivery

Little Jim knew it was wrong. ‘I ain’t gonna do it this time, Pop.’ The response was a low, slurred growl, but one that Jim expected. ‘You heard me boy, now get outta here and do what you been told.’
Like a beaten mutt, Jim slinked away to do it. On the way, some of the countless other times flashed back to him. He tried to block them out, to make the memories go away. He tried rationalizing. No one ever gets hurt, he thought. Well, except me sometimes. But the bruises and broken bones always healed, hadn’t they? In fact, they seemed to ‘heal’ his conscience, too. Sort of built a layer of armor around his heart so no feeling or guilt could get out. So he went on his way to get the delivery.
He always thought of it that way, as ‘the Delivery’. He knew this was just another way of depersonalizing the whole crime. It’s just a delivery, he thought. Nothing specific about that. Nothing that could ruin their lives. Nothing that could damn a lost soul. Nothing that he could be held accountable for when judgment finally came.
Just as he got there Jim hesitated. Seems the armor was wearing thin. There WERE victims. What about the old lady? Each time he did it, he felt like he was tearing a family apart. I feel like I’m assisting a suicide. If only it were that quick. Yes, there were plenty of victims in his path. Jim might have just been a delivery boy, but he knew he was a criminal all the same.
Sure, he’d resisted ol’ Pop – once. That time, he even shattered the whole thing on purpose. There was hell to pay that time. Jim subconsciously fingered the bridge of his nose, feeling the crooked spot the way he always did when he considered crossing the old man. Yeah, sometimes people got hurt, but better me than someone else. Better get on with it.

On the way back to make the delivery, something snapped inside Jim. More like broke loose. The chink in his armor had become a full-blown tear. All the anger, love, pity, and guilt he’d been holding in for so long came gushing out. By the time he reached Pop, Little Jim was in tears. ‘Give it here,’ Pop mumbled. Jim tried to hold the sobbing in with everything he had, but let out a faint sniffle. He hoped Pop hadn’t noticed, but no such luck. ‘What the hell are you cryin’ about, pussy?’ Jim knew now was the time. It had to stop.
Jim tried to muster some courage and sound like the man he thought he was destined to become. ‘Enjoy, cause I ain’t doing it no more.’ The old man looked up at Jim through his half-closed, bloodshot eyes. ‘What did you just say to me boy?’ Jim took a deep breath and tried to bow up as much as he could. ‘I s-said I ain’t doing it no more.’ Pop stumbled to his feet and looked unsteadily at Jim through drunken eyes the color of piss and blood. He swayed as he snatched the delivery from Jim’s hand. Jim roared, ‘Do it yourself next time, and I hope it fucking kills you!’ Jim tried to sound strong, but in his own ears he knew he sounded like the scared little kid he was.
Then he saw it. He’d seen it before, but not with this intensity. It started with the old man’s eyes. The half-drunk haziness went away in a flash, replaced with such a burning hatred that Jim had to look away. He wished he could match that look, to have eyes like cauldrons of molten iron, but knew it wasn’t in him. He was this man’s son, but there were some things that he hadn’t inherited. Then Jim saw the corners of the old man’s mouth turn up in the most terrifying grin he’d ever seen. Maybe it was the fear, but Jim swore the man’s rage had caused his teeth to separate and sharpen into crooked daggers. He knew by the grin that the old man was going to enjoy what was to come. He could smell the man’s breath – sweet and foul at the same time, like a rotten orange – he imagined that this is what hate smelled like. Jim saw Pop’s body straighten and tense up, no longer wobbly from alcohol but sturdy as a marble pillar. The muscles in the old man’s skinny forearms forming like steel cables. And when he saw those 45 year old work-worn hands become fists of granite, Jim knew.
Jim knew that even though he was in shape the way only an athletic 16 year old can be, he was defenseless. He knew that he could take this man, if only it weren’t this man. He knew he was beaten before the first blow. He knew that he could never have that fire in his eyes the way the old man did now. He knew, standing there, even though he was an inch taller and five pounds heavier than his father, that he was still and always would be ‘Little’ Jim. He also knew in that instant that what he said to the old man was true. Jim knew he’d never have to do it again. No, he knew he’d never be able to do it again after today. Big Jim was about to see to that. Jim knew he had crossed the line. The last thing Little Jim saw was the flash of that brown bottle with the silver label coming towards his temple and he knew that would be the last beer bottle he’d ever have to ‘deliver’ to the old man.

The Joys of Travel

2005-06-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I just don't blog enough about all the joys I experience while traveling each week. My life has been enriched in so many ways by the traveling experience, it's a shame that I don't share more. So here are a few anecdotes/complaints/whiny moments for your reading pleasure.

My first flight ever as a Consultant was from Houston to St. Louis. For some reason, as soon as I stepped on the plane I felt deathly ill. I was breaking into cold sweats and was sure I was going to puke all over the kind little Vietnamese lady next to me. I turned my vent on full blast and tried to suck it up - it was only an hour an a half.
10 minutes after we take off, the kind little Vietnamese lady next to me decides to pull out some 'travel food'. And that don't mean no granola bar! She pulls out a steaming hot kind little Vietnamese sausage that smelled like wet dog shit. It was dripping grease all over and was about the size of whole salami. Then she just goes to work on it. I was already feeling like I was going to die, so needless to say this kind little Vietnamese delicasy didn't sit too well with me.
I stumbled out of my seat ('excuse me sir, the captain has not turned off the fasten seat belt light') towards the head. I think the stewardess sitting in the jump seat at the end of the aisle could tell how green I was, cause she jumped out of her seat just in time for me to essentially faint. If she hadn't moved, I would've landed in her lap and probably been arrested under federal charges for 'not following a crew members instructions.' Anyway, i crawled (this had to be a sight) into the bathroom and puked all over, then sat there for 20 minutes trying to come back to life. It really sucked, and pretty much set the tone for my life as a traveling consultant.

I can recite the entire safety warning that they play over the loudspeaker at the Houston Intercontinental Airport...in spanish...and I don't even spanish. '...no fumar en las edificios de las terminales de Yorge Buuuuush Intercontientale Airopuerto'. Toldya. I hear that kind little Mexican chick's voice in my dreams.

I was once waiting on a Continental flight out of Houston and the 'boarding process was delayed'. About 15 minutes later, we notice through the window that a van is pulling up to the rear of the plane. Then I notice that the van has the word 'Coroner' on the side. So 2 guys get out and proceed to walk up the emergency stairs into the plane, then come back out 15 minutes with a full body bag.
I try not to be supersitious, but this really freaked me out. I couldn't help but thinking the kind little dead lady was in my seat. I happened to be upgraded to First Class that week, and it was all I could do to keep myself from asking the stewardess if the dead person was in my seat. But I figured no one dies in First Class, so I got on the plane anyway. And there was no chalk outline of a kind little deceased lady in my seat, so I guess I was cool.

Last week, we were delayed a good bit due to a 'mechanical malfunciton' on the plane. When we finally get on, the captain tells us that his seat support is broken and they tried to fix it with no luck. Then the kind little caucasian captain proceeds to tell us all about his day; how he left home at 5am that morning and has had delays all day and is just as upset about the delay as we are and how he decided to sacrifice his comfort and fly with the broken seat to get us home without any further delay. I think Captain Martyr should win employee of the freaking year for his sorry ass airline. He's such a saint.
Can you tell that maybe I'm not as sympathetic when traveling as a I should be?
I was writing about Captain Martyr while it was fresh on my mind last week. When I type on the plane, I usually use white or yellow font so that the assholes I'm sitting next to can't read what I'm typing. And invariably, the fuck next to me will always lean over and ask me, 'Hey, bud, why are you typing in a white font? isn't that hard to see?'. Of course, (and this is one of the few joys in my miserable traveling life) at this point I get to explain that I'm using the white font so Kind Little fucks like him who can't mind their own business can't see what I'm writing. It always works like a charm.
OH! And the guy smelled like an entire grove of Garlic trees (or bushes, or shrubs, or whatever garlic grows on). I think I'm pregnant, because I'm starting to have a very acute sense of smell. This guy wasn't even looking towards me, he just freaking reeked of the stuff. Then the stewardess comes by and she smells like a dentist office. I'm serious. She smelled like an antiseptic. She either bathed in listerine that morning or she's wearing that new perfume 'Eau du' Flouride'. I know it's time to stop traveling when crap like this starts bothering me.

My favorite part of traveling (and I really do enjoy this) is people watching in airports. I like to play a game where I rank all the people around me from ugliest to best looking. You'd be surprised how above-average-looking I am :) This works best in a confined space, like on the tram in Atlanta. I also sometimes rank who would win in a bare-knuckles blood match of all the people on the tram. You'd be surprised how often I think I'd get my ass kicked (OK, maybe that's NOT that surprising).

Anyway, in order to thoroughly bore you, I may start keeping a diary here of the stuff I find interesting while traveling. Like most things, I guarantee that I'll find them a lot more interesting than you do.

FAMOUS PEOPLE

OK, so we've all seen 'famous' people in airports. Who are yours? Here's my sad little list:
Jerry Springer - Jenny and I saw him in the airport on the way to our honeymoon (or maybe it was on the way back. who knows. I was a little preoccupied).
Evander Holyfield - sat right next to him on the way from Miami to Atlanta. The guys head is the size of a medicine ball, and his fist is worth 3 of mine. He pretended he was sleeping the whole time so I wouldn't talk to him. I obliged.
Christopher Lowell http://christopherlowell.com/- the gay guy who redoes houses on TLC or A&E or something. He boards under a fake name so no one will bother him. Of course, the stewardess walks up and says, 'You're not John Doe, you're really Christopher Lowell!' He tells her he travels under an alias so people will leave him the fuck alone, but she doesn't get it and keeps harassing the guy. I thought he was going to bitch slap her (not because she was a bitch, but because he's gay and probably really would slap like a bitch).
Frank Bielec (I had to look it up) http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/tradingspaces/bio/bio_02.html- the other gay guy who redoes houses on TLC or A&E or something.
Kevin Greene - linebacker for the Rams and Steelers, I think. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/nfl/players/375/
My personal favorite - Mean Gene Okerland, http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/football/nfl/players/375/ the announcer from WWF. Can you dig it? The guy is like 4'9". Funny thing is I never would've noticed him, but I was walking by while he was talking to the stewardess and I recognized his voice. It stopped me in my tracks. I could just here him saying 'Well, that Bobby the Brain Henan has got himself in a lot of trouble with the Macho Man, now". OOOOOOH, YEah!
Almost forgot - BOOOMER (Chris Berman, ESPN). What a prick. He wasn't rude to me, but man he was an arse to the bell boy at our hotel. Of course, he's like 7 feet tall and 400 pounds of sweating and balding rudeness, so I guess no one is going to call him to task.
The only other one I can remember is this guy who sat next to me in first class on my way to Vegas. He's a black guy with long shorts and a sports jersey of some kind and a brand new hat on sideways. I immediately think, the only people who fly first class are frequent travelers and rich people. This guy did NOT look like a consultant. So I think he's rapper. Then, the little politically correct voice that society has placed in the back of my head scolds me. "Oh, just cause a brother makes some money and wants to fly first class, he has to be a rapper. How do you know he's not a doctor? If he was taller, I bet you'da thought he was a basketball player." So I chastise myself for actually using my instinctive survival mechanism of judging someone or something based on all of my past experiences with other people/things of the same group.
Of course, after all the self-loathing for being a prejudiced prick, I ask the guy what he does and he says he's a rapper. Go figure. Oh, and I have NO idea if the guy was really famous, but I thought it was a good story.
That's all I got. Not very impressive, I know.

I didn't think I was going to be able to finish this blog but my flight is delayed (GASP!). Go figure.

Ex-KKK member convicted in 1964 killings

2005-06-21T10:46:00.000-07:00

AP Wire 06/21/2005 Ex-KKK member convicted in 1964 killings

Justice is justice, even if it's formed 41 years too late. If this guy is truly guilty (and from all the evidence I've read, it seems that he is), then I'm very happy/relieved that the jury was able to convict him.
I wonder, though, if this kind of trial can be done fairly. I try to put myself in the place of the jury. Would I really be able to vote for anything but guilty? Even if the evidence was shaky? Of course, I hope that I could vote for the truth, but think about all the pressure on the jurists. Could you help but thinking about the headlines if this guy is aquitted? Think about it. The image of the entire state is on the line. You know that CNN or the NY Times is not going to care one lick about the evidence (or lack thereof). If you aquit this guy, even if the evidence points you in that direction, what are the headlines going to be? How about 'Mississippi is Still Burning'. Or 'Mississippi Jury aquits Klansman of 1964 slayings - again'. Can you imagine the editorials? I think the image of Mississippi is only marginally improved by a conviction, but the negative consequences of an aquittal would set us back another 20 years. So I think there's a lot of undue pressure on these jurists. I pray that up to now the convictions in these types of cases have been correct, and I hope they are able to make the Emmitt Till murderers pay as well. I'd just hate to be on that jury and have some doubt, you know?

These cases also make me wonder about how it was to live in the south back then. My step-dad was a senior at Chalmette High School the year it was integrated. If you know anyone from Chalmette, you may know that even today this is not (in general) the most open-minded community. My step-dad was in the band, and he said that they used to walk up and down the halls playing Dixie to torment the blacks who had enrolled there. I can't imagine what else those guys had to put up with.
What would I have done? How would I have felt about integration if I had lived in a segregated society for the first 16 years of my life, and then the government came in and told me I was wrong? Would I have been open enough to the Truth to know that 'separate but equal' was anything but? My guess is that probably about 25% of the segregationists back then truly had malice in their hearts against blacks, and the other 75% probably just rationalized and convinced themselves that everything was OK. Would I have done the same?
And if I was able to see past what my society would've been telling me about what was 'right', would I have been strong enough to actually stand up to it? I'm sure the majority of folks who knew that segregation was wrong probably just kept their mouths shut. You ever notice how few whites were marching at Selma? The few you see in the pictures were usually Catholic Priests. Is it because everyone thought segregation was the Christian thing to do? I doubt it. I think most folks just weren't willing to pay the cost of speaking up. What would I have done?
I also want to know (from anyone who is old enough to have been there) what was it like? How did you feel about it at the time? How do you feel about it now? Did you come down on the wrong side of history back then? If you thought it was wrong, did you do anything about it? I'm not asking these questions in a judgemental manner, I'm just purely interested in the thought process. Mainly because all of this leads me to the next topic:

Are there morally reprehensible situations in our society today that I am either supporting (because I've convinced myself that they're 'OK') or that I'm not brave enough to stand up against? Will I look back in 20 years and wonder why I didn't do more?
I mean, I guess history is littered with decisions that we now consider morally wrong. If you lived in Germany in 1932, you either were rabid Nazi, a german soldier who ignored the truth, a silent observer, or someone who fought against (and probably died for it) the prevailing thought. You either were a slave-holder, you ignored it, or you were an abolishonist.
I'm guessing that there are quite a few things going on today that might rise to the same level of atrociousness, and I bet that in a few generations it will be clear that there were heroes and heels during our time, but that the vast majority were just silent one way or the other.

Why do I do this to myself

2005-06-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: What you are about to read may make you physically ill. The author of this website bears no responsibility whatsoever for the effects you may experience if you click on this link.
COMMENTARY: Fans, Colonel Reb put 'super' in Super Regional

My take:
I'd like to compliment Mr. McNeal for being the epitome of a webel fan. He was able to work all three pillars of the 'Ole Miss Oath' into one short (and almost coherent)editorial. This is nothing short of amazing. What are these three pillars, you ask? And how does Mr. McNeal achieve such a rare feat? Read on, my friend.

Pillar #1 of the Ole Miss Oath (available exclusively upon registration to the University of Mississippi at Oxford, or upon initiation into the Ku Klux Klan): "I will thinly disguise my disgust for the negroes by constantly reminding them of the glorious past when we held dominion over their entire race."
Mr. McNeal does a masterful job of singing the praises of 'Colonel Reb' in the name of 'spirit' and 'tradition'. Luckily, there are enough right-thinking people in our great country to keep the 'traditions' he's so 'spirited' about in the past.

Pillar #2: "Mississippi State University is not our rival."
It's sort of trite at this point to lump us in with the University of Memphis as a way of demeaning the state's largest university. I thought Mr. McNeal took the easy way out - he didn't even mention how the SEC Championship game "didn't matter" because Umissed is "headed to Omaha." Oh, sorry, Texas kinda robbed him of that argument. I bet those 'Second Place in the SEC West Co-Champs but we lost the Tiebreaker' championship rings the baseball team is getting will help him get over the loss.

Pillar #3: "We have one of the nation's elite athletic programs."
Hey, who can argue? As Mr. McNeal states, 'Excitement and optimism permeates throughout [Ole Miss'] athletic department.' What's not to be excited about? The baseball team finished fourth in the SEC and was only two games behind the SEC Champion! They were only one win away from an SEC Tournament Championship! Only 8 wins away from a National Championship! Man, I don't see how they contain themselves. And it's not just baseball. With four wins last year, an entire coaching staff of raging alcoholics, and their offensive backfield in jail, I can see how the football team is on the precipice of greatness. And of course, basketball isn't really a sport in Oxford, since it's mostly played by 'those people'. I googled 'delusional', and this is what it returned: Delusional .

So, Mr. McNeal may actually win Man of the Year at the annual Webel Club's Cracker Awards (the trophy is a little bronze statue of a guy in a white hood and robe, affectionately known in Oxford as a 'whitey'). He has successfully documented thinly veled racism, baseless elitism, and blind optimism in a 250 word 'column'. He must be the hero of Lafayette County.

Stupid is as stupid does

2005-06-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Casey's Blob

So my buddy Casey was dumb enough to give me access to his blog to 'keep it updated' while he's out of town/moving houses. He'll be unable to update it for the next couple of weeks and didn't want it to get stale (like my blog). So i decided to make it interesting. I guess it is now sort of like my quasi-blog.

Possibly the most depressing article I've ever read

2005-06-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

State seeks payback for '85 CWS loss - The Clarion-Ledger

This article is so depressing to me because it just reminds me that no matter the level of talent, skill, coaching, facilities, steroids, booster payments, and cheating Miss. St. can amass, we will NEVER win a Nat'l Championship in a sport that matters. We actually had the most talented team in 1985, and possibly the most talented team in college baseball history, and only came in 3rd.
Maybe if we sacrifice some chickens at Dudy Noble Field we can break the hex. Heck, you'd think we'd built up some pretty decent karma by hiring the first black football coach in the SEofC, but we get nothing in return (save the 2 wins last season). And I think our basketball payroll has had to be consistently at the top of the SEC,and yet we choke every year in the tourney. When will it stop?

A different perspective on the issue

2005-06-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

Imagine you buy a house for $75,000. You keep it for 20 years and it's now worth $1,000,000 if you sell it. Your friends and family love the house and everyone comes over every Sunday to enjoy it. They use it so much, they actually think of it as their house. You don't mind, you love to share it and love having people over. BUT, you also have the expense of keeping up a $1million house. It's 20 years old, and you're paying taxes on a million. You've also got everyone coming over all the time and using it, but not paying any of the upkeep.

So you ask them to help chip in for the upkeep on the house. They think you're a greedy a-hole for asking. But are you really? A truly greedy a-hole would sell it (everyone else be damned) and pocket the mil. So the fact that you're willing to put off that huge payday just so your friends can enjoy your house is a pretty generous thing to do.

Tom Benson bought the Saints for $75 mill 20 years ago and saved them from being moved from N.O. The Saints are now worth at least $1billion if he sells them. But he hasn't sold them. And he's asked the state for money to keep them in N.O. Is this so ridiculous or even greedy? If he was truly greedy, he would sell them for at least a bil to Los Angelas and pocket the cash. Instead, he's done everything he can to keep them in N.O., even though he's playing from a huge disadvantage compared to his fellow owners. Is the losing money? Probably not, but his opportunity cost is somewhere around $925 Million.

So I think it's perfectly reasonable for him to ask for subsidy from the state. Now, the state can pay it or not. That's not the point. The point is that Benson is not greedy to ask. He's actually fairly justified in asking, in my opinion. He's put together the best product he's known how to - he brought in Mora/Finks (moderate success), Ditka (horrible failure, but how was he to know beforehand?), and Haslett (still possible to salvage his career this year). I don't think it's the best football organization around, but I think that he's tried in his own way to be competitive. I just hope that all of his 'house guests' decide that it's worth paying a little to keep the house, rather than not having it at all.

Blogthings - What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

2005-04-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

Blogthings - What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

OK, all the cool kids are doing it. You have to go to this site and take the test to figure out what 'type' of english you speak. My results are:

60% General American English
30% Dixie
5% Upper Midwestern
5% Yankee
0% Midwestern

GK Chesterton

2005-04-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book called 'Orthodoxy' by GK Chesterton. Very interesting guy, and a great author (to my mind). He was apparently a contemporary of CS Lewis (and even is credited with bringing Lewis to Christ).
His writing is mostly philosophical and almost all funny.
Anyway, Orthodoxy is a good read, but not 'light reading' by any means.
I'll let you know when I read some more of his stuff. Casey, I thought you'd be most interested in him. Let me know if you want me to send you the book when I'm done.

The American Chesterton Society

Dr Scott Hahn on the Papacy | Catholic-Pages.com

2005-04-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Dr Scott Hahn on the Papacy | Catholic-Pages.com

I enjoyed this speech given by Dr. Scott Hahn (no, Jeff, not THAT Scott Hahn) on the Papacy. I think it's a pretty good explanation of the doctrine of the Succession of Peter.

I guess we've all been reading a lot about the Conclave and the Papal election. It interests me to no end to hear folks (both lay and clergy) talk about what they 'want' from the next Pope, and how the media love to talk about the effect that popular opinion will have on the selection. According to the press, because 50+% of American Catholics don't follow the Church's teaching, the Church is wrong. As if we should use American pop culture as our moral compass.
What do I want from the Conclave?
My only prayer that the Cardinals will have the humility and strength to accept their solemn vow to allow the Holy Spirit to guide them in their selection. Nothing more, nothing less. As I heard one theolgian say, 'God has already chosen the next Pope, it's now up to the Cardinals to let the Spirit guide them in electing that man.'

ESPN.com - NFL - Sam Mills, Panthers linebackers coach, dies

2005-04-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

ESPN.com - NFL - Sam Mills, Panthers linebackers coach, dies

Man, this is big news for us lifelong Aints fans, especially those growing up in the 80's/90's. Sam Mills was nicknamed 'Mighty Mite' and was one of the hardest hitters in the game. He was tiny (5'9") and played INSIDE linebacker. That's like being a 180lb nose tackle.

I'll always remember him as part of the Dome Patrol, with Rickey Jackson, Pat Swilling and Vaughn Johnson. Possibly the greatest linebacker Corps of all time, proven by the fact that they actually won games (and went to the playoffs!) while the rest of the roster was filled with the likes of Bobby Hebert at QB and Dalton Hilliard (mister fumble) at tailback.

You always hear folks in our parents' generation talk about growing up dreaming of being Joe DiMaggio or Willy Mays. I think that the Dome Patrol were that for us kids in N.O. They had it all, from Rickey Jackson and his inability to use the English Language (especially after too much Coke), to Pat Swilling who was just a physical specimen beyond equal and Vaughan Johnson (nicknamed 'Meat') who was very quiet and reserved but ferocious against the run. Sam Mills sort of held it all together with a quiet confidence and 'lead by example' attitude. You wouldn't be surprised to see his bow up and grab Rickey by the facemask to bitch him out for doing something stupid, never mind that Rickey Jackson could've brushed his teeth with little Sam. He was a born leader and I think Carolina knew that when they got him. Without him, they don't go to the Super Bowl. I bet Dom Capers would agree.

A Risk worth taking

2005-04-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

When I first decided to start a blog, I was very apprehensive about what I should write and who I should invite to read it. Partly because it's a risk to put your opinions out in the public arena to be dissected, partly because I was worried that my sense of humor and sarcasm wouldn't translate when written, and partly because I'm not sure that I want just anyone to be able to have a written record of my thoughts (however asinine they may be).
So I sent my blog to a very small number of people, all of whom know me and my sense of humor well enough to 'get' what I was writing, for the most part.

Today, I sent the link to my family (gasp!). This is a bigger risk to me because we don't get to spend enough time with each other to always 'get' each other. I think we know what each of us is made of deep down, but don't understand each other enough to always understand the nuances of our personalities. We essentially see 'stereotypes' of each other that were formed when we were all last living together at home (15 years ago), and they are not necessarily very accurate today. For instance, I think my family sees me as mostly a 'goody two shoes' (is that how you spell that, and where does that saying come from?) and pretty square (which may be dead on). My younger sister is surprised every time we're together and I happen to know the words to a current rap song. That's funny to me, because among folks that I'm around on a daily basis, they know that I know the words to nearly EVERY rap song. But it doesn't fit the stereotype that she has of me (30 year old nerdy father of 3, which is probably pretty accurate but not complete), and we just don't have the opportunity to spend enough time together to know these things. Does that make sense?
I dread the first time they read a post in which I use the f word (although I guess I am a bit of a nerd in that I rarely would spell out the whole word), because they'll think that's so out of character for me. I also fear that because folks see me as conservative that they might mistake my flippant comments about groups of people as being motivated by dislike (rather than motivated by sarcasm and the belief that everyone should be made fun of).

So with all my worries and fears, I'm writing this post because I hope that this blog can actually help fix the problem, rather than make it worse. I'm hoping that if you read my blog and it invokes some sort of reaction (negative or positive), you will comment on it. Then we can discuss it. I think this can be a positive tool to bring us closer together in understanding each other.

I also hope to start posting something of consequence on here every once in a while, rather than just always making fun of current events.

No more pink jerseys for Arkansas to avoid offending cancer survivors, Nutt says

2005-04-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

SI.com - NCAA Football - No more pink jerseys for Arkansas to avoid offending cancer survivors, Nutt says - Tuesday April 5, 2005 11:54AM

A friend of mine forwarded me this link to point out how funny it is that Arkansas is going to make thier slackers wear UT colors in practice. I think that's awesome, and am impressed that they had them wearing pink to begin with. You talk about motivation!

I'm sort of depressed about the change of colors 'in order to avoid offending breast cancer survivors', though. I didn't realize that breast cancer survivors had patented and copyrighted and trademarked all uses of the color pink. I thought another 'community' had done that some time ago, anyway.

So I could see their point if Nutt was making his players wear pink ribbons and calling them a bunch of cancer-having slackers. But I'm pretty sure that wasn't the context at all. He made them wear pink because he's calling them a bunch of Nancies. That's pretty much what the color pink is supposed to mean. So if the United Nancy Anti-Defamation League had protested, that would be one thing. But whoever was complaining about the breast cancer thing is WAY out of line.

I'm also pretty disappointed that Nutt gave into this crap. He should have to wear a pink coaches shirt for the rest of spring practice for being such a pansy. He could've very politely told the complainers the following: "shut the hell up, this has nothing to do with you." Or something to that effect. I'm pretty sure most of the Hog Alumni would have agreed with him.

My sister is a breast cancer survivor and I'm going to have to ask her if she'd be offended by this. I'm pretty sure she's going to agree with me that Nutt is a momma's boy for giving in. When will it ever stop?

Dillard's asks Mississippi court to take black judge off racial-profiling case - The Clarion-Ledger

2005-03-15T18:19:00.000-08:00

Dillard's asks Mississippi court to take black judge off racial-profiling case - The Clarion-Ledger

Man, I don't know anything about the merits of this case, but I pray to God that the Miss. Supreme court rules against Dillards. Can you imagine the headlines if Mississippi decides that a judge can't rule in a racial profiling case b/c she's black!?! Ohmygosh. That would really enforce our image of being 'open-minded and loving of all people' in our fair state.

And what about the precedent: "All crimes deemed to be racially motivated will from here on out be decided by white judges only". I think we had that rule once upon a time in our region, and it didn't work out too well for any of us.

ESPN.com: Page 3 - 10 Rounds of 'Rocky' Trivia

2005-03-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

ESPN.com: Page 3 - 10 Rounds of 'Rocky' Trivia

OK, so how much do you know about the greatest movie of all time? I scored a 7 out of 10. I think any red-blooded American should be able to score a 6, so I'm not too proud of myself for only getting 7 right.

Alarm clock or spawn of satan?

2005-03-03T14:18:00.000-08:00

OK, I generally consider any alarm clock that is buzzing or humming or beeping or playing music while I am trying to get some extra sleep to be 'evil'. And I have met a whole boatload of evil alarm clocks in my time on this earth - many more than the average man (since I'm in a different hotel room every week, aquainting myself with a new evil alarm clock). One of the things that perturbs me about these evil alarm clocks is that no two are the same, so every Monday when I check in to the hotel room and have my first encounter with a new alarm clock, it is a crapshoot as to whether it will actually 'go off' the next morning.
So this week, as always, I spend 15 minutes Monday evening trying to figure out what all the buttons and slide bars and dials mean on my new evil alarm clock. But finally I set it for 6am and doze off into blissful sleep. I wake the next morning at 6:30 because the damn thing never went off. As I stated earlier, this a regular occurence, so I chalk it up to experience and figure I'll get it right the next time.
So Tuesday night I spend another 15 minutes trying to figure out why the clock didn't 'go off' at 6am that morning. Well, the alarm was set for 6am but the time was 12 hours off --as an aside, have you ever noticed how often hotel room clocks are set to am when it's pm and vice versa? I think the freaking maids do this on purpose. they are part of the axis of evil, along with said alarm clocks and male cheerleaders (different story).
So I've found the gremlin! I reset the time on the clock to be the correct time and re-check that the alarm is set for 6am and in the 'ON' position. Everything is great, I figure I have this sucker beat.
At 10 past midnight, the damn evil alarm clock starts chiming. I think it's 6am and snooze it. 13 minutes later (I'm sure this alarm clock snoozes for 13 minutes since it's the spawn of the Evil One), it starts chiming again and this time I notice that it's the middle of the night. Of course, I'm too asleep to figure out how to actually turn off the damn thing, so I bang on the top of it until it shuts up. 13 minutes later - you guessed it. This time I finally wake up and turn on the light to figure out what's going on. Of course, the alarm is set for 6 and there's no 'alarm 1' and 'alarm 2'. So I finally get it to shut up by pounding on it with my fist and I go back to sleep.
Whatever I did worked (sort of) and the clock doesn't interrupt my sleep again. at all. Although it was more than happy to go off at midnight, it doesn't have the common freaking decency to wake me up when I asked it to. So I wake up late and start again.
Wednesday night - Bubba vs. Evil Spawn O' Satan, Round III. I turn off the alarm completely so that there's no reason for the damn clock to chime at all. I think I'm in the clear so I go to sleep. 10 after midnight it starts chiming again. This time I just freaking unplug the clock and go back to sleep. Of course I wake up late again.
I may take the clock to Mass tonight and see if I can get it exorcised. I'm afraid to bring it in the church, though, lest I get smoted.

Just (means of) War?

2005-02-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,147492,00.html

This story bothers me and I'm not sure how to react. I believe in the 'Just War' concept, that there are some things worth fighting for (and thus worth dying for). Regardless of what you think about Iraq II, what do you think about sending in robots to do the fighting?
Is it fair/ethical/moral(?) to fight a war by proxy? Especially when your proxy isn't human? Is this any different than dropping a bomb on someone from 3 miles away?

In the most bane sense, I feel like you should in war have the opportunity to shoot back at the guy that's shooting at you. It's almost like 'natural law'. It just seems right. If you're going to attack me, you should at least be at the point of origination of the weapon. So although you might shoot a missile at me from an F-18, I deserve the right to be able to shoot your plane down (if I have the ability) and kill you. But the 'killing you' is the operative part of the phrase. I'd hate to shoot the freaking thing down and find out later it was a drone. "Jus' don' seem right." So, am I overanalyzing this? Is there a difference between a Nuke coming out of a sub and sending out an army of remote controlled 'robots' to do your killing for you?

Another point that this leads to (and I think we've already seen evidence of this in our culture) is that the US 'public' has much less taste for death in war than it used to. We lost 300,000 people in WWII. We've lost 1,400 in Iraq and everyone is up in arms. Whatever the reasons, the US (here I refer to public opinion, not the armed services) doesn't have the balls to go into a war in a full-out infantry assault mode where people get killed and get killed often. I think that if the WWII scenario played out again, opinion polls would show a majority of the public wanting to stay out.

So 'we' don't have the stomach for military deaths that we once did. That would be a good thing if it meant that the public was now putting the proper emphasis on the value of each human life. But I don't think that's the motivation for this attitude. I think it's rooted in the moral relativism that is perpetuating in our society. If there is no moral certainty, there is nothing truly worth fighting (and dying) for. So, the thought goes, we should stay isolated, mind our own business, and not get involved lest we have to pay the price for actually having hard beliefs.

Digging my own grave

2005-02-14T14:02:00.000-08:00

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory?id=486433

OK, so what I'm about to write is probably going to come back to haunt me one day. Not in the 'I killed my previous 5 wives for the insurance money' way, but it will definitley surface during the Senat race that I'm destined to take part in whenever I figure out how to get into politics.

So these labor lunatics are all over Wal-Mart because there are any not union shops in all of Wally World. So they've been pushing all over the place to organize Wal-Mart employees, and it looks like they've finally succeeded. They were able to get enough folks to join up in some Canadian town that they can now negotiate an agreement with Wal-Mart. Only Wal-Mart (in a move that I admire more than I can possibly express) decides to close the store rather than deal with them. That is classic! They'd rather close the freaking store than deal with the labor bullshit that is sure to follow if they give in. I love it! And the union folks are whining about how this is unfair and illegal. I'm no expert the law, but I don't think it's against the law to go out of business.

What I don't understand is labor's position (and I'm not big fan of Wal-Mart). Of course, I don't understand the union's position on most things. I look at this as a simple example of supply and demand. If WallyWorld offers 600 part-time jobs at minimum wage with no benefits and 700 people apply for the jobs, then market forces are working. If the wage/benefit package is not enough or is unfair, then people can not apply. Wal-Mart will then be forced to increase their package until they get enough people to run the store. Where's the great mystery?

The Labor-tics decided that they're not paid enough, yet they have no basis for this claim. If they job doesn't pay enough, find one that does. If there are none that pay enough, that means you are not worth as much as you think you are. Go ask the gubamint for career training and they'll probably give it to you. Then go find another freaking job that does pay what you think you're worth.

On a related note, my other rich-guy heroes are the NHL Owners. Not only do they cry and whine about losing money (which is awesome to see billionaires try to pull off) they've also decided to effectively 'close up shop' in order to break the union. I can't believe that people are surprised that businesses would rather break even by closing than lose money to over-paid employees. There is a value that the market will bear, and if you exceed that value, you should start worrying for your job security.

So figure out today how much money you are truly worth to your company. How much did you make/save today? Is it enough to justify your salary? Or are you just a leech (like me)?

Middle of the week

2005-01-19T14:55:00.000-08:00

What do you consider to be the 'middle of the week'? I mean, if someone says "I'll get that to you by the middle of the week", when do you expect it? Wednesday? Tuesday to Thursday? I contend that because Sunday and Saturday are the Week ENDS, every other day is in the middle of the week. Just like a loaf of bread. So next time I tell you I'll get something to you by the middle of the week, don't expect it until Friday.

The 'Cultural War' - who's really winning?

2004-12-28T13:46:00.000-08:00

I hear a lot of talk in the media about the 'Cultural War' going on in America right now. Much of this is pushed by the 24 hour news networks because they need something to talk about. But there is also some truth to it. There's been a struggle between the 'liberals' and the 'conservatives' on social issues since the beginning of time. And I'm sure every generation thinks that their lifetime is the most important time in history in regards to these issues. I'm not arguing that we're at a breaking point one way or the other or that the issues are any less important than those that were being argued in the 50's or 60's. But I do want to talk about who's winning.
The 50's and 60's brought about major cultural change in America. Thank God some of it happened. There was an end to segregation, increased rights and equality for all Americans. But the same folks who ushered in these positive social changes also 'let in' some others - increased sexual permissiveness, abortion, drug use, etc. So when looking back at that time, I'd have to say that the 'Cultural Battles' of the 50's and 60's were definitely won by the Liberals.
Today, common sense says that Conservatives are winning the current battle. Bush was supposedly elected due to social issues. These include his stance on Gay Marriage, Abortion, Immigration, 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance, etc. The House and Senate are both Republican majorities and were (according to the media) swept in on a surge of votes for conservative social values. I think that this all may be true to some extent, but I don't necessarily agree that this all means the Conservatives are 'winning'.
What I mean is this: The Liberals have succeeded in changing the question, so that the current 'Conservative' positions on many issues is actually a relatively liberal position.
Let's take for example Abortion. 20 years ago, Conservatives were arguing 'no, not in any case'. And liberals were arguing, 'yes, in special circumstances, as determined by a woman and her doctor'. Over the years, liberals have changed to a more 'radical' position, arguing 'yes, in all cases no matter with government funding and no parental consent for 14 year olds' etc. They are then able to compromise from this extreme position and say 'OK, no government funding and maybe parental consent'. The conservatives say 'great, we're winning'. But look at the conservative position. It's now a 'victory' if the conservatives can get a partial-birth abortion ban through. They've essentially forgotten about the other 90% of abortions and have given up the cause.
Public education is another example. Conservatives have traditionally argued that the federal government has no business in this arena. Liberals argued for more government intervention. The new conservative 'victory' is if they can get some standards attached to the federal government intervention. Again, who really 'won'?
The whole Gay Marriage thing is just smoke a mirrors. Conservatives traditionally viewed these pairings as abhorrations not worthy of being recognized by the government (city, state, OR federal). Now their position is 'no gay marriage' (the word 'marriage' being the important part here). So while we're busy passing stupid state amendments saying that no gay couples can put that particular word on their licenses, the president says he supports civil unions. So the new Conservative 'win' is that 8 letters arranged together to spell 'marriage' cannot be used to describe gay couples, but the real battle about rights and responsibilities and natural law is lost.
I think that each of these small shifts in the American consiousness has created a much larger transformation. We don't care any longer if our leaders go to church on Sundays, just as long as they haven't been accused of marital infidelity lately (and that's even becoming a non-issue). Our collective standards are being lowered little by little until we finally look around and don't recognize the society we've become. It's a collective form of moral relativity that's ruining our society. Our children don't ask the same questions. They don't ask 'is abortion wrong'. They assume it is and at best wonder if partial-birth abortion is wrong. They don't question whether the government can take away our right to keep and bear arms in general, they instead only wonder if certain types of guns should be outlawed. And you wonder why the NRA fights tooth and nail against ANY regulations, even those that seem common sensical.
I'm not sure that whole lot can be done about this trend on a national level or from the government's perspective. I mean, we're set up for the majority to rule, and the majority will always take the wide gate (that's why it's wider).
But as individuals we do have a responsibility to respond appropriately. I think we do this by keeping in mind there is right and wrong, black and white in the world. Some things are always wrong. And we teach our children to think for themselves and be discerning, but to remember that the majority is not always (and maybe almost never) correct. Finally, just because our society 'allows' certain things, that does not permit each individual to do these things. We are ruled by a Higher Law and one that is much more important than what our legislators do anyway.

The Davinci Code

2004-12-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

Last year for Christmas, my mom bought me The DaVinci Code. If you haven't read it yet, you're one of the few. It's been the #1 best-seller in America all year, I think. And it truly is a very entertaining book.
I was genuinely disturbed after reading the book. Not because it shook my beliefs, but really because it offended my beliefs. Dan Brown states at the beginning of the book that while the storyline and characters are ficticious, all of the historical events depicted are factual. I think the does an outstanding job of making that statement seem true, too. I think that for the average reader with an average value system, the book may actually have been pretty convincing. And that's what concerned me. I passed the book on to my mom to read after me, but warned her that I didn't recommend it. And I told everyone I saw reading it the same thing.
This year for Christmas my mom got me another book entitled 'Cracking the DaVinci Code'. It is written by two Christian Scholars/Historians, and gives voice to my misgivings about the original book.
The authors do a fairly good job of pointing out the factual errors in Dan Brown's book. I appreciated having this information in one place as reference. I found this part of the book very useful.
But the authors go one step further and discuss 'why' Dan Brown chooses to misrepresent the Church's history and Christ's life. At first, I found their hypothesis to be a bit 'conspiracy-theoryish', but it really makes sense. On further reading, it seems Dan Brown's interviews have also given credence to the idea that he has a much more sinister goal than just selling some good fiction.
I think in some ways the DaVinci Code phenomenon can be good because it puts the discussion about Jesus and his divinity in the forefront (of course the media focus only on the plot of Jesus having a child, ignoring the much more hurtful claims in the book that Jesus' divinity was created by man). But I also fear that too many readers will either accept Brown's premises as fact or not do enough to find out the real truth, even if they have doubts. This no doubt erodes the collective sense of morality and Chirstianity in our culture. I think it is another shot that weakens us as a whole. So, read the book. But do so with a discerning eye and heavy dose of skepticism. And I recommend using 'Cracking the DaVinci Code' as a companion reader.

The Sun Herald | 12/28/2004 | Tuberville not interested in being a Tiger

2004-12-28T06:30:00.000-08:00

Tubby decides not to interview with ULBR (at least that's what he 'says', but any umissed fan can tell you how good his word is). I'm sort of disappointed. But not for the reasons you might think.
I think Tubby is a pretty good coach (even if he's an arsehole) and would've done better at ULBR next year than at Auby (considering ALL of his talent is graduating). But it would have been a heckuva lot more convenient for me to have all of the evils in the SEofC consolidated into one program. There would be no more question as to which team is the easiest to hate (umissed excepted because they'll always be at least tied for easiest to hate). And I could actually start to tolerate Auby again.
Instead the 'Axis of Evil' has been averted for now. ULBR will hire a big name coach and fire him in 3 years after winning 7-8 games per.

A funny conversation

2004-12-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

So my wife and I are talking the other day. We were sitting in the living room, the TV was on, talking about the grocery list or somesuch. I try to be an attentive husband, so I try my darndest to look my wife in the eyes when she's talking to me. After a few seconds of talking, she noticed that I'd tuned her out and was looking elsewhere. She follows my gaze to the TV, where the first commerical for the new 05 Mustang is playing. I was mesmerized. She looks back at me, then the TV, and 'ahems' a few times, trying to get my attention. Finally, she slaps me out of my stupor and I look at her again. Then she freaks out. "You're crying! You have tears in your eyes! I can't believe you're crying over a stupid car commercial".
It was true. I was welling up. I tried to explain that seeing that Mustang do a burnout made me feel probably close to how women feel when they see long distance commercials. It touched me in a special place. You understand, don't you? Needless to say, she didn't understand.

Giving you a reason for living

2004-12-22T07:23:00.000-08:00

So my many adoring fans keep clamoring for updates to the blog. So, to prevent the mass suicide of dozens of people (would a suicide of dozens of people qualify as a 'mass' suicide? I mean, how many people have to be in a grave for it to be a 'mass' grave? If one kills 7 people, that's a 'mass' murder, correct? What if one kills 2 people? I'm wondering what the cutoff is), you're going to see a renewed amount of activity on this site. I have a lot to get off my chest.
Let's start with these communists who keep bitching that college football needs a playoff system. These are probably the same people who want 'Under God' removed from the Pledge. I bet most of them eat fried chicken with a fork and knife and need some beeping sound in their volvo to tell them when they've backed up far enough. Bunch of damn hippie pinko commie weirdos.
And I'm not by any means defending the BCS. I think it's possibly the worst thing the NCAA has ever done. Well, except for Title IX. Not only does the BCS diminish the tradition of the Bowl Games, it also doesn't 'fix' anything. It makes no one happy.
The NCAA should re-institute the old Bowl System. Conference champs go their respective bowls. I mean, holy crap. The BCS has created an Auburn team that is disappointed to be in the Sugar Bowl. Any southerner knows that the Sugar Bowl is the holy grail of college football games, and this dumbass system has these folks disappointed to be there. Tell me how that's good.
What is wrong with tradition? Why do we have to f*ck it up? Isn't it more fun to argue about who would've won a game that never happened than to listen to USC people's shit if they ever actually won a playoff? Man, last year was a blast. The ULBR people almost had me feeling sorry for their 'poor little university' who 'gets no national respect'. What if ULBR and USC played a championship game last year? Well, the argument would've been over in 3 hours and no one would have had anything to talk about all summer. Instead, Sports Illustrated got to sell TWO special edition national championship leather bound individually numbered commemorative books full of color photos of (insert team name here)'s special season with a free gold-plated mini helmet embossed (insert team name here)'s logo and a (insert team colors here) fold out official ncaa champs tailgating chair. And we're still talking about it, almost one year later.
So the OCD folks out there need everything wrapped up real tidy-like with a nice red bow on it, so they can sleep at night (after brushing their teeth using exactly 436 strokes and tapping their left foot on the right side of the bed 23 and a half times before turning out the light using only the ring finger and thumb on their left hand). But I like things a little messy. I like some loose ends. I think this is the spice of life.
Heck, if there were a playoff system in place, we wouldn't have all the fun of laughing at UMississippi when they claim to have 3 titles from Neil and Bob's (is that your name or just what you do?) ratings service in the 60's. Alabama would only have their 6 or 7 legitimate championships, rather than the 47 they claim to have won. Colorado, BYU, Ga Tech and Washington would all have empty trophy cases. Where's the fun in that?
So they say that money is what's motivating the push for a playoff. But there's got to be some companies making money off of the current system. As we've shown, SI sells twice as many special edition national championship leather bound individually numbered commemorative books full of color photos of (insert team name here)'s special season with a free gold-plated mini helmet embossed (insert team name here)'s logo and a (insert team colors here) fold out official ncaa champs tailgating chair. The Crystal Football Making Company sells twice as many crystal football trophies. The guys who own the letters 'c' and 'o' must make a killing off of selling it to the national champs people (so you can spell co-national champs, dumbass). If the co-champs happen to be from Alabama, malt liquor sales go through the freaking roof! So there's benefits to the split championship that I don't think the economists are taking into account.

This damn blog thingy

2004-12-22T06:49:00.000-08:00

OK, so I am supposedly an 'Information Technology Professional'. I have a Master's degree (albeit from State) in Information Systems. I don't consider myself a techno-phobe and I have a pretty good understanding of most computer applications that affect my daily life.
But I can NOT, for the life of me, figure out how in the hell to post links to other websites at the side of this damn blog. It's not that hard, you go to the Help menu and copy the code, paste into your blog template. Piece of cake, right? Wrong.
I followed the intructions, pasted the new code, saved, published and Nothing. So I tried again. Nothing. So I got a copy of someone else's code (that works) and pasted it in. Nothing.
So I tried f*ing up my template. I deleted a bunch of important looking stuff to see what would happen. Guess what happened. Nothing. What the hell? Casey is an english major and has figured this crap out. This is depressing.

Work (or something like it)

2004-12-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

So, I was thinking today about my professional life and wondering what makes it worth it. I mean, the money is nice (great) and all, but is it really worth all the traveling and time spent away from home and the wife and kids.
Then I started adding it up. I mean, yeah, when I'm 'at work' I'm trully 'AT work', as in a few thousand miles from home. But I only work 4 days/week. And I get 4 weeks of vacation. And 11 holidays. And I'm usually at home between projects ~2 weeks per year.
So 3 days/week I'm at home, that's 156 days/year. Plus 4 weeks vacation (another 16 days - not 20 since I don't work Fridays anyway) and I'm up to 172. 11 holidays, that's 183. Then there's the 2 weeks that I'm either between projects, on paternity leave, or sick. That's another 8 for a total of 191 days at home. Out of 350-something days/year (I can never remember how many, exactly there are in a year. So I essentially work 160 something days per year, and stay home 191. That's not a bad ratio.
So either I'm rationalizing to make myself feel better about being away, or this is a good deal for me.

FOXNews.com - You Decide 2004 - Bush Wins 2004 Election

2004-11-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

FOXNews.com - You Decide 2004 - Bush Wins 2004 Election

OK, so 'The Most Important Election of Your Lifetime' is finally over. How do you feel? Joyous? Relieved? Scared Shitless? Like you've just been given an enema by the Swift Boat Veterans?

I have to say I'm pretty optimistic. W now has a pretty good majority in the Senate, a HUGE majority in the House, and a 'mandate' from the American people to the tune of 3.5 million more votes. So he better get some shit done!

I expect that by February the IRS will be no more. I don't want tax 'cuts'. I them to 'slash and burn' our tax code. Flat tax, National Sales Tax, Use Tax, whatever, I just no longer want a PhD to be required to fill out the freaking form ('EZ' my ass!).

I want us to kick ass in Iraq. No more worrying about polls and elections - Bush can't get re-elected in '08 anyway. And Cheney will be dead by then. So fuck all and get some shit done! I think that once we're done with the Regime Change in Iraq we move on to Iran, then N. Korea, and finally France. Why? Because we can.

By '08 we should have free-flowing oil out of Alaska. And Yosemite. And Yellowstone. And any other place we find it. We can always put the 'nature' back when we're done. Just ask Exxon. According to their propaganda -er, 'literature' - the otters population up there is in better shape than it was before the Valdez. That's American ingenuity!

I want Nevada (the entire freaking state, with the exception of Las Vegas) to be a Nuclear Waste Dump. Just annex the whole thing. You talk about energy independence? Man, we could cut down on all of our coal usage and half of our natural gas dependency by going Nuke. And waste would no longer be a problem. We'd have Nevada.

While we're at it, I hear that you can buy waffles on nearly every street corner in Amsterdam. That's pretty cool. I think W should make sure that we have waffle vendors on every street corner. And he should outlaw low-fat syrup.

I think we should stop funding all stem-cell, cancer, and AIDS research. Let's do some useful scientific research - like developing carb-free Krispy Kreme donuts. Could you imagine? The Atkins diet would be PERFECT. Nothing but steak and donuts all day long.

Finally, we need a few 'quick hit' changes that can be enacted fairly quickly. 1. Make it legal for ordinary citizens to bludgeon anyone driving a hybrid car. You think Reginald Denny got it bad? this would be great TV. 2. Kill all spotted owls. Even the ones in the zoo. I think the would help bring our 'family values' back. Think of it; dads and sons hunting spotted owl together. What a beautiful thought. 3. For the love of God, can't we figure out how to run an election? I can probably go online right now and buy a dead body with my credit card in the next 5 minutes and have it delivered to my house overnight, all the while being able to track exactly where my package is. I can do this with a 99.999999% certainty that my credit card number is safe. Additionally, I could then go look online at my credit card bill and see the dead body charge show up within minutes. But I have to go in person and punch a freaking chad in order to decide the leader of the free world. Amazing.

So we've got a majority, let's use it. We've got 4 years. The clock is ticking. Time is running out. And I'm pretty sure there are spotted owls still living!

State's season: Out of the toilet, into the driver's seat

2004-11-01T15:17:00.000-08:00

OK, the title might be a bit of an exaggeration, but there are finally some W's to go with all the feel-good talk in Starkville.

You might be wondering why it's taken me 2 weeks to write about State beating the crap out of Florida. Well, the reason is that we ALWAYS be Florida in Starkville. I mean ALWAYS. It's so blase' now! Matter of fact, here is a list of teams that have won in Starkville since Florida last won there:
Miami
Memphis State
Mississippi
Kentucky
Auburn
Southern Miss
Bama
Tulane
UGA
ULBR
Tennessee
Northeast Louisiana (!!!)
South Carolina
Arkansas
Troy State
BYU
Oregon
And Arkansas State tied us at home.

Pretty impressive that we could lose to all these schmucks before UF beat us at home. Never mind that we've only played them 4 times there in 20 years. Details, details.

Aerospace facility at Starkville to generate 300 jobs, have 4-year, $45M impact - The Clarion-Ledger

2004-10-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20041027/BIZ/41027021

Oh, my gosh! I've found my dream job. Working in Starkville. For a high-tech company. They've gotta pay well! What would I do? Maybe I can get hired on as a test pilot for the unmanned aircraft. Perfect.

Decision 2004

2004-10-27T07:04:00.000-07:00

So, the NCAA ruling is expected today in the case of the National Collegiate Athletics Association (hereafter Jackie Sherrill Haters) vs. Mississippi State University (hereafter, The Peep's U.).

The Jackie Sherrill Haters charge that Mr. Sherrill and his assistant coaches offered jobs, cars and houses (c'mon) to football recruits, all of whom decided to go to the University of Mississippi (hereafter, The Devil's College) or the University of Southron Mississippi (hereafter, the Ugly Stepsister).

There is absolutely no question that these student-athletes passed up hundreds of thousands of dollars offered by The Peep's U. to go elsewhere because they are righteous human beings who could not be swayed by fortune. And there's no question that The Peep's U. has the donor base (from almost selling out our 50,000 seat stadium 3 times a year) to buy 17-year-old kids' babies' mommas new houses. I mean, there's no way that these Scholars of the Highest Degree decided to give the business-end of a Sherrill Haters investigation to The Peep's U. out of spite or at their coaches urging. And there's certainly no way that they chose to go to their respective schools because the offers of cash and riches were greater.

But I guess all that is water under the bridge. The real question is: What are the Sherrill Haters going to say in their ruling today?
I'm guessing the Death Penalty. I mean, how can they go on letting the Peep's U. drag down the moral and ethical standards of college football. How can they let this bastion of corruption go on buying Leer Jets and Cartier-edition Lincoln Town Cars for players' parents? They can't stand idly by while we besmirch the honorable and decent reputation of ameteur athletes everywhere - especially those at such noble institutions as the University of Alabama (hereafter Just Let The Guy Be Dead, Already), the University of Miami (N. Cuba State), and the University of Colorado (Date Rape Tech). So the Peep's U. should receive a Cease and Desist order immediately to shut down the moral pollution on our society that is Bulldog Football.

OK, so I was being sarcastic. Seriously, I think we'll only lose 4 years of bowl games (not much of a penalty there), 25 years of tv games (we haven't won but once on tv in the past 25 years anyway), 50 scholarships (of course, losing scholarships in no way would incent a program to give MORE illegal money to get students there, since they can't even offer them a free education), probation (whatever that means), Jackie Sherrill will be banned from any state that has an NCAA insititution located there, and we'll have to play with 10 men on the field for one year unless we remove the Stars and Bars from the Mississippi state flag.

In conclusion, God Bless You, and God...Bless...America!

Engagement

2004-10-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

Molly is engaged! Congratulations. And not to a Delta Chi. Double Congratulations. Hearts are breaking all over Starkville.

Now all eyes are focusing on Skip as the 'next one'. I think he's handling it well, mostly by putting his fingers in his ears, closing his eyes and yelling 'La la la I can't hear you La la la'.

So, I hear that women are now lobbying for engagement rings to cost 3 months salary, rather than the traditional 2. Now, I won't necessarily argue the merits of this idea (it's a load of crap), but I think I have a solution.

Courters should tell their potential fiancee's that she can have a ring at whatever cost she chooses, but they won't be married until it is paid off. This works for both parties. If the guy wants to pay cash for the ring, he'll have to save up indefinitely, thus never getting engaged in the first place.

If he doesn't mind some debt, he can buy her the biggest damn ring on the market (thus making her happy) and take several years to pay it off (thus delaying the inevitable marriage which makes him happy).

My guess is that the Courtee's desire to have a ring (any damn ring) on her finger will outweigh her need for a HUGE ring. She'll agree to a ring out of a bubble gum machine if it just comes NOW DAMMIT, rather than later. Win, win. She gets her man, he gets to continue paying his rent for a while longer.

Of course, the man can always make the hollow promise of giving her an upgrade on their 10th anniversary - I think the current odds on making it to a 10th anniversary are probably about even, so this isn't a bad bet.

CNN.com - Rescuers�head for stricken sub - Oct 7, 2004

2004-10-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

CNN.com - Rescuers�head for stricken sub - Oct 7, 2004

Not making light of this story, whatsoever, but I have to say...
Canada has a Navy? And it's 'advanced' enough to include Submarines? I thought we were their Navy. Huh, shows how much I know.

Mississippi State Football, Clinical Depression, and You: a cerebral analysis of the effects of losing to Vandy on the human psyche

2004-10-05T08:22:00.000-07:00

this isn't finished yet...

Vanderbilt Commodores Official Site for Vanderbilt Athletics

The 5 stages of severe grief.

Stage 1: Denial. We beat Tulane. We are overjoyed. Croom hung the moon. We're going to a bowl game. We won't win every game, but we'll compete. We're back on track. The bulldog train is leaving the station. Babies all over Mississippi are being named Sylvester and Omarr. Can't work this week, too excited. Take the week off and camp out at Scott Field. This is going to be one special season. Arrested on misdemeanor trespassing charge by campus police. Charge is dropped given extenuating circumstances (it's not every decade that State has a winning record).

Stage 2: Anger. We are throttled by Auby. They attempt to run up the score. Tommy Tubberville proves he's still the antichrist. Things are bad in the Maroon Nation, but at least we have a target for our anger: TT. He is anathema to us. Mail carriers go on strike to protest the amount of hate mail and death threats being sent on the Starkville to Auburn route. Call in sick to work so I can watch previous games against Tubby. Video on a loop showing Tubby refusing to shake Jackie's hand, Tubby and his Umissed players smoking cigars on Scott field, Tubby up 30+ points and going for 2, Tubby passing the ball up 43-0 with 2 minutes to go, Tubby calling us a 'B' team.

Stage 3: Bargaining. Please God, let us beat Maine. I will never miss church again. I'll visit that old folks' home every day for a month. I'll quit drinking, smoking, cussing, gambling, whatever. Just let us beat Maine (and maybe cover the spread). Pulling out all the mojo in hopes of a victory. Don't show up for work so I can say 77 rosaries and a novena each day leading up to the game. Wearing the lucky socks, the undefeated boxers, the Paul Lacoste autographed ball cap (signed on the field after beating Bama), the 'Maroon is the only color that matters' we beat Tulane that day shirt. But playing it cool so no one knows I'm using up all this luck on MAINE!
We lose. Good news is I can still drink, smoke, cuss, gamble. Bad news is all that lucky gear is now tainted. Give the clothes to a less-fortunate family in Punta Gordo, Florida. They are promptly visited by 3 hurricanes in 3 weeks. They lose their house to Charles, their cars to Jeanne, but luckily the family makes it through alive. That is until their dog was hit by a FEMA truck during rescue efforts. Must've been those clothes. OK, God, if we can just beat ULBR, I'll never put any trust in 'lucky clothes' or silly superstitions again. And after that one little game, I promise not to pray for anything as silly as football anymore.

Stage 4: Depression. Loss to ULBR. Not just a loss, but 51-0. Fifty freaking one to nothing. LI ad nihil. Quince uno a cero. Two quarters and a penny to naught.
Represented in dots, the score would look like this:
ULBR: ...................................................
State: (note the disturbing lack of dots in this area)
Not unexpected, but no less painful. Contemplating suicide, or at least changing teams. Have burned my diplomas. Started a website: firecroom.com. Got fired from my job. Wife left me. Took the kids.

Stage 5: Acceptance. Nothing makes it real like losing to Vandy. By 18.
But there's hope. Understanding is setting in that this is all just a phase. A natural cycle. Like a forest fire. Just making way for new growth. Sort of regretting burning the diplomas, but not as much as I'm regretting sending the Antrhax to TT. Facing federal charges on that little misunderstanding, may miss the rest of the season. Hope to be paroled by next season (I hear we're going to be really good. We've got this great recruit our of Pelahatchie who's supposed to be the next coming of John Bond). Talked to that family in Florida. Advised them to burn the 'lucky' clothes. They did, then were selected for 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition' the next day. Got a new job making license plates. Pays in cigarettes. I'm trading them for cash so I can help in the recruiting effort. There's a couple of guys here in the hoosegow who can play some ball. I think they were on Jackie's short list of recruits last year.

10 places I'd rather be right now

2004-09-29T12:22:00.000-07:00

OK, so I'm at work dreaming about all the places I'd rather be than at work (I know, so are you). So I decided to list the top 10 of those places. Of course, I can’t just list something this important in a willy-nilly fashion. We need some standards, rules, regulations, provisos, addendums, etc. in order that the list be coherent and sensible. So here are our criteria:
- To make this list, it must be a place/situation I've been to before. This eliminates Bora Bora, and Costa Rica, both of which I’m pretty sure will shoot up the list as soon as I get there. Future list of where I’d LIKE to go is pending.
- Ranking is irrespective of outside influences like who I'm with (unless specifically stated). Obviously, any place would move up to #1 if my wife was with me (hopefully, she's reading this so I’m not sucking up for no reason) and any place would move down if I was there while being afflicted by dysentery. So we assume the perfect company for the event, the perfect weather, unlimited funds, no intestinal afflictions, etc.

10. Tiger Stadium, Baton Rouge, after State just beat ULBR. OK, to be honest, I haven’t seen Mississippi State beat ULBR in Baton Rouge (or in Starkville, for that matter). But I have seen COLORADO State beat ULBR in Death Valley (9/26/92, 17-14 on a last-minute field goal). Jenny thinks I have a sickness that I would revel in others’ misfortune so much, but I’m not sure she understands the depth of my loathing for that ‘school’. Your nemesis is your nemesis, period. There’s no pulling for them, ever. I still remember being the only one in the stadium cheering for CSU (who I learned only 5 minutes after the game started were the Rams). I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for that little team from Fort Collins ever since. Go Rams!

9. Superdome, New Orleans, LA. State beating Kentucky for the 1996 SEC Championship. The place was 65% UK fans and 35% VERY LOUD State fans. Skip and I bought tix from a scalper at face and wound up 10 rows up on the ’35-yard line’. Dontae’ Jones took the game over and put on a show. Skip and I were going absolutely nuts.

8. Wrigley Field, Right Field Bleachers (Left Field Sucks!, Left Field Sucks!) – I actually think Left Field is probably cooler, but I’ve never sat there, so they don’t meet the criteria. But I have sat in Right Field (Sammy, Whooooo, Sosa, Whooooo), so this is gonna have to be good enough. If you’d like more specifics, I’d also be eating a Hebrew Dog with extra onions and peppers and drinking an Old Syle to keep the buzz I garnered at Murphy’s before the game.

7. St. Paul’s church, Pass Christian, Mississippi. (Did he just list CHURCH as one of the best places to be?) May be the ugliest church (architecturally) in the country (is one of those 60’s-70’s monstrosities). But being in church with wife and kids, extended family (our mom’s, aunts’, grandparents) in ‘our’ pew where we sit every week, and knowing folks by name and having our kids know them – it just gives you the feeling that you’re doing ‘right’ in some way. There’s a real sense of community there, even if the church is half newlywed and half ‘nearly dead’. The old folks look out for us and vice versa.

6. In bed Saturday morning after the kids have gotten up and climbed in with us. Usually more of a wrestling match than anything (5 people in a Queen Size bed doesn’t work too well), but is great family time. Plus I get to sate my hidden hunger for Dora the Explorer cartoons.

5. Camping in the Rockies, Ouray, Colorado. 6-pack of Coors Light kept cold in the mountain stream. Eating beanie-weanies 3 meals/day (all we could afford) and bathing the stream (35 degree water, it seemed. I’m still suffering from the shrinkage ).

4. Dudy Noble Field, Left Field Lounge, any SEC game or NCAA Regional. Perfect situation includes me working the grill, only being able to see the game by peeking through my familiar spot that gives me a view of only the battery and first base (obstructed by a light standard). Listening to the Jim Ellis call the game from 25 different radios scattered around the area and spending time with old friends.

3. Fishing the Mississippi Barrier Islands. Catching trout in the early morning at Cat Island is the best. There’s nothing like watching the sun come up over the island. No houses in sight, just you, the pelicans, water lapping up against the boat, a cold beer, and the trout (hopefully). Awesome.

2. Deep-sea fishing in the Atlantic Ocean. With water so clear and blue you can see down forever and the wind and mist leaving salt all over your skin. You can dive into the cold deep water to soothe your sunburn just enough for you to get back on the boat and get more sunburn.

1. In the kids’ bedrooms, middle of the night while they’re sleeping. Watching them snooze away peacefully. Jackson is usually drooling on the book he was reading when he fell asleep, MaryBeth has her feet on her pillow and her head hanging off the side of her bed, and Lauren has her knees under her and her butt in the air and is hugging on her lamb. You talk about feeling the presence of God and the awe of the blessings in my life. Those kids are living prayers.

1. OK, I know this was supposed to be 10, but there were just too many good ones.
Walking on the beach at night with my wife – alone. No kids. Of course, it’ll be another 18 years or so before we do this again, but the memories are good. This is also how we got engaged.

Honorable mentions: Night fishing in the marsh in Bay St. Louis, MS; Delta Chi House, Starkville, MS; Student section at the HUMP; tailgating on Bell Island; fishing the Umpqua river outside Eugene, OR; Fenway Park, Boston MA; ‘the camp’ where we’d go when I was a kid to ski/fish.

So what are your thoughts? Any favorite places I need to put on my yet-to-be-created list of top 10 places I'd like to go?